I would stick to my guns. My niece is four and she started being stubborn about stuff like that when she was about 2. My SIL is so great about not giving in (on important stuff of course). It has made such a huge difference from a few friends I've seen do just the opposite.

Of course I'm just the casual observer at this point... but that's my two cents.

Here's my advice, for what it's worth :)  I personally think that letting a situation like this go on overnight or for 3 days is just giving them the control they so desperately want/need. It's the same as counting to 3 with a toddler (in my book) - if you are waiting for THEM to comply on their own good time, that gives them total control. I don't really think kids are old enough to make the right decision on a constant basis until they are much older.

When I tell/ask my children to do something that they are perfectly capable of doing on there own then they are expected to comply within a reasonable time period or there will be consequences - which of course depend on the situation. We set time limits for cleaning, especially their own rooms. Say an 20 minutes, an hour, etc - depending on how much time we have to spare, or how messy their rooms are  - set a timer and when the bell rings, whatever is not put away goes in a trash bag (that THEY fill), and they can be earned back by future good listening.

Anyway, I could probably go on but this is all JMO and of course I'm NO expert.

I was all ready to talk about putting time frames on it, but I got beat!  I do like that, though.  "Do this in this amount of time, or there are consequences."  You just have to make sure the consequences are attention-getting enough to make them want to work harder at it the next time.  I can't send my son to bed without dinner...  he would consider that a victory.  But I can take his scooter priviledges away for a day and it becomes the end of the world in a matter of seconds.

So yes, time limits and consequences.  Keeps the control on your side and you really don't want to give that to them.  It's hard to get back.

We've done the toys in a trash bag thing... 3 of them. They are all waiting to be earned back. But does that bother her?? no. She's too smart for that. Because after we do that, she has a clean floor in her room that she really didn't have to clean up, just had to throw it in a bag. And then what? I don't want her out in the living room, watching t.v., playing etc.. when she really didn't do what she was asked to.  She missed the movies last night, and swimming and gymnastics today.  My son decided to join in her "fun" so I also cancelled the concert at the fountain we were going to go to.  Not one of these bothered her enough to clean her room alllll day today. (of course there were meals and naptime in between)  So it's kind of a catch 22, haven't found a solution that works for us yet! 

 P.S. I give her time limits, but at 3 years old doesn't have much understanding of how long a minute, or 5 minutes or 10 minutes is. So I'm not sure that's doing me any god?

P.S. S. her room is finally clean, she finished at 6 p.m. tonight - UGH.

My son does the same thing with the toys in the trash bag. In fact when given the choice he would sometimes CHOOSE to put them in a bag! Frustrating! I'm sure it was because like you said they really didn't HAVE to clean it up. So maybe there should be another consequence? Like time out or taking something else away? Whatever is important to her that will really get her attention.

I agree that just TELLING her she has 10 minutes is going to be hard for her to comprehend. I suggested the timer because they can see AND hear when time is up. Explain how it works, it'll take a few times I'm sure because of her age just like most other rules they have to learn at this age.

Good luck! That's such a FUN age ;)

I've actually thrown toys away.  And it had to be something of value to him.  As much as it pained me to throw away some Thomas Toys (they're ridiuloucsly expensive), it had a lasting effect because there was an actual permanent loss.

Also, what we do now is a reward system...  positive consequences instead of only negative.  Every night that the kids go to bed with a clean room, they get to color in a square on their chart and when it's filled they get to go buy a book or toy or something.  That seems to be working pretty well.

I would go all the way, did what was needed to be the parent.  i'm actually going through this right now with the baby.  how long do you let them cry before you pick them up when they should be sleeping?  the battle has been going on three weeks and he's only an infant!! i can't wait to see what's in store for me when he's older.  and about the cleaning...it's what you said.  pick your battles.  if it's that important to you, stick with it.  like the napping is important to me and i'm going to wage this war until i win.  besides, just remember that when she's a grown woman tending her own home, you can always make little comments about this time in her life :)