Inventions I could use these days:

~ Carpet that has permanent vacuum lines.

~ Board games that consist of just the board, no accessories.

~ Plants that can walk to the sink and water themselves.

~ A clock that isn't 10 minutes slow.

~ A cable company that shows nothing but Dora the Explorer, The Power Rangers and Blue's Clues all day, every day.

~ A dining room table with a suction system running along the edge, so that it can suck up all the junk after each meal.

~ A refrigerator and pantry that replenishes it's stock with only high fiber, high protein, low calorie snacks and meals.

~ Any exercise program that doesn't require me to lift a finger.

Also...

A seamstress, personal chef, an errand runner and appointment maker, a secretary for the phones, a dog babysitter.... and maybe a blog writer??

The dirty car fairy comes to visit me often.  I'll have cleaned it out just four or five days ago and then after school dropoffs and a requisite errand, I'll notice that my van, is now, utterly destroyed. 

This tends to infuriate me, because with 3 kids, cleaning out my car is not an easy task. It takes many grocery bags, multiple trips in and out of the house, a laundry basket or two and usually some baby wipes.  (the all-purpose cleaner, right?)  

How DO cars get so cluttered in the first place? My husband doesn't understand it one bit.  His rationale, is "why don't you just empty everything out each time you get out of the car?" (easier said than done for someone who doesn't transport 3 children all day)  Well, once I've started out with a cleaned car, I have every intention of removing each unnecessary item from my van whenever I exit the vehicle.  My brain and body have other plans.  Usually when I'm getting out of my car, I've got in my arms: an 8 month old, my purse, the diaper bag, a fast food cup, a pacifier or two, infant toys, my keys and a partridge in a pear tree.  Since these items are taking up all the available space on my body, that leaves no room for school papers, receipts, gum wrappers, the Target bag, lip gloss that fell out of my purse, an empty bag of snacks, the kids' socks that they didn't have room for in their hands and a backpack or lunchbox.  As for making two trips?? HA! I'm usually rushing home to get the kids down for a nap before I, myself pass out from sheer exhaustion due to that day's activities.

After a week of this happening daily, it gets to the point where I'm scared to open my sliding doors for fear of what might fall out.  I'm embaressed to admit that I occasionally will opt for a further away parking space at school, because I don't want the other parents to see what's lurking inside my van.  I just know that the parents of the kids that my children attend school with, have perfectly attended to vehicles at all times.  

But now everything changes!!! (hopefully?) On Saturday my husband took the van to get an oil change, tires rotated and washed.  He came back with a MUCH nicer surprise - a fully detailed car including shampooed carpets, a clear windshield and a shiny paint job.  The almost 3 years of dirt and grime on the floor mats was gone!  The Starbucks that was spilled during the holidays had been erased! and I could even see clearly out of my rear view mirror.  I had to promise I'd keep it this way and so far, so good.  I even went so far on Sunday evening as to make the kids remove their shoes after playing at the park. 

The dirty car fairy has been fired.  Anyone met the clean car fairy yet???     

Official Disclaimer: This story uses terminology that may be offensive to people who have no sense of humor.

This tale takes place when my son was approximately three and a half years old.  Andrew was taking a bath doing the normal things that boys do when they take a bath - Squirting water guns without shutting the shower door first, dumping enough shampoo in the water to wash an elephant and terrorizing his younger sister by making scary faces.  I'm cleaning up the bathroom as he's playing and very abruptly, he states "ahhhh! I just farted on my balls!!"

Ummmmmmmmmmmm..... "What'd you say?"

Him: I just farted on my balls.

Me: (in completely shock) "Excuse me??"

Him: I JUST farted on my balls!

At this point, I'm having the same type of reaction that I had two days ago when Kaitlynn told me her "boobie" hurts. Turns out, she couldn't figure out whether she wanted to say 'Owie' or 'boo-boo'. So she said Boobie, makes complete sense, right?

Me: (dismayed that my 3 year old could be saying something like this) " HUH?!?!"

So he says, "Look mom!" As he stands up, I see he had been sitting on two bath balls that he would shoot into a basketball hoop that was mounted on the bathtub wall.

"OHHHHHH! You farted on your balls! Gotcha!"

Needless to say, I had a GOOD laugh, and still do to this day every time I think about the day my 3 year old farted on his balls. :)

I was listening to a talk show that I tune in to daily, on XM Radio.  A caller referred to her 7 or 8 year old son and how he was being bullied at school because he just had that type of personality, where he was easy to take advantage of. The radio show host suggested that mom enroll her child in some type of martial arts classes, so that if anyone was to ever lay a hand on him, he could defend himself.  She also referenced the fact that this would build his self confidence and make him less of a target. 

This segment of the radio show has really had me thinking for the past week or so about what my husband and I should teach our children. I haven't discussed it with my spouse, because I know exactly what his answer will be, but what's yours?

Do we teach our children to defend themselves if being attacked? to defend their honor? to teach bullies a lesson? to defend other defenseless children? or do we teach our children to walk away? to not fight violence with violence? to take a more "Gandhi-ish" approach?

There are so many things I have to say on this topic, that I don't even know where to start.. and it'd probably be more than you would like to read.  So I'm leaving the talking up to you all... What will you teach your children when it comes to their physical safety? And do you think it's different for boys than girls?

One warm day at San Lauren Park, a few days before Easter this year, a fellow mommy (and friend I hope!) and I got to talking about where we moved to Bakersfield from.  We both originated in the same area and she mentioned how much she loved Bakersfield.  When asked if she had plans to ever move back home, the answer was a firm NO.  Next, she asked me if we were staying in Bakersfield.  Well let me just say that Bakersfield was going to be a quick "stop-over" before we headed back down South, but April 19th was our 3 year anniversary here.. I feel like we're lifers now. (which honestly wouldn't be so bad!)  The whole point to my story here, is that she said she makes friends with a lot of fellow moms that have a tendency to eventually relocate elsewhere. 

Now I know what she means.

My very talented friend "C" who's son went to preschool with my son last year, was kind enough to have me over for a sewing lesson at the very last minute before my son's school puppet was due.  And one of the first sentences out of her mouth was "We're moving to Georgia". Ugh. Blech. GRRR. No :(   I really don't want to have to tell my son that he won't see his friend again (because let's be real honest here, who's going to come back to Bakersfield if they don't have to).  I hate to hurt his feelings like that, but I do realize that's all part of life,  .... just not the part I want to be responsible for.  How in the heck am I ever going to learn to sew now?

Not more than a week later (this past Friday in fact), my other friend (and BABYSITTER!) breaks the news at a playdate that she's moving to Texas. Seriously? Two people in one week? Her husband is in the oil industry and it seems as those families are the ones that are always moving around....and none of them want to stay in Bakersfield.  Maybe I should avoid friends with husbands in oil? Although, that would narrow down the playing field.. a LOT.

So how'd YOU get here? And are you staying? Warn me now, before I get too attatched.

I think I need a Mint Julep to ease my sorrow.

For those of us that have experienced the joy of being pregnant, we can all agree that the babies steal the brain cells....

and apparently mine never grew back. (no wonder my children are geinuses)

Tonight I headed over to GNC on Rosedale and Calloway. During the 5 minutes I was in the store with my 3 year old, I received 2 calls on my cell phone. One of them was my husband asking me to run by Daddy-O's yogurt to bring home dessert. I quickly paid for my one item and headed out the door.  Kaitlynn and I get to the van, and my keys are not in my wallet like I could have sworn they were.  My first thought is that I left them near her booster seat when we got out of the car.  I tested the doors, and sure enough they were open. However, upon inspection, they were not anywhere in my car. I start pulling things out of my purse to find my keys... they're still missing.  By this time I'm on my 3rd cell phone conversation. I tell my aunt, "hold on a second, I think I left my keys in the store" She suggests I just call her back... probably noticing that I sounded insanely empty-headed at the time.  As I'm walking back towards the door of GNC, still rifling through my purse - I find them! SCORE. Now we can head out for frozen yogurt.  We get to Brimhall and Calloway, find a parking spot in a surprisingly packed shopping center and get out of the car. Fortunately, I noticed that my purse felt lighter than usual as I started walking towards Daddy-O's.  Hmmmm.. I think I'm missing my wallet... good guess.. It wasn't in there. Crap. My husband is going to have my head if I don't find my freakin' wallet.  As I'm walking back towards my car (because I must have left my wallet in the car, just like I did my keys) I find my wallet in the most odd place..

ON MY WINDSHEILD.

Yes folks, Christina drove about 10 minutes down the road, with her wallet ON her windsheild.. and didn't notice a damn thing.

I'm not sure which is more boggling - the fact that my wallet didn't go flying off the window as I headed down Calloway, or the fact that I never even noticed it sitting there as I was driving!

Telling the story to my husband when I got home was hilarious! The stress of losing my wallet had passed by then, so I could really laugh about it.. in fact I was cracking up so bad that I started crying :)

To me, one of the best attractions of our home, is our main hall closet.  Upon our meeting, it was love at first sight.  Two double doors open up to 4 long shelves. I had high aspirations for this closet.  It would house board games, puzzles and our plethora of playing cards. There'd be room for our cameras, packs of batteries and extra light bulbs. 

HA!  That's not all it would do... it would be an evil reminder.

Last night, I was putting the finishing touches on a "self-portrait puppet" that my Kindergartener needed to turn in to his teacher this morning.  (my procrastination will have to be saved for another blog) I needed ONE SIMPLE SUPPLY - a hot glue gun.  I know for sure which tub it's in, I just can't find the darn tub. So as I search our crazy, cluttered and unorganized closet... I am reminded of something that I do not like about myself:

Unfinished projects.

I came across alligator clips and spools of ribbon. Those were going to be hair bows for my daughter so I wouldn't have to spend between four and eight dollars on a clip for her blonde curls. The package of clips has yet to be opened and the spools of ribbon are still tightly wrapped in their cardboard packages.

Next items to depress me were the wooden hanging hooks I planned on painting for my daughter and son's rooms.  Kaitlynn's would be a beautiful butterfly and it was going to look just like the one on Michael's website (even though I missed the line when God was handing out creativity). Andrew's would be a baseball; I'd even handpaint the red stitching. So why are they still in a tote with bottles of paint? Maybe I was afraid of failure.

I also found one of my most expensive and unfinished projects ever.  A few years ago while visiting in-laws in Florida, my husband's aunt (who is a certified instructor) game me lessons on how to do One Stroke Painting. (By Donna Dewberry, check it out online) I promised myself I'd master the technique when I got home.  We had visions of me painting jewelry boxes, wine glasses etc and going to craft shows to earn some extra money. (which would probably be spent on more unfinished proects) My husband being the gift giver that he is, ordered me just about EVERY color of paint you can imagine, the One Stroke paint brushes, the brush holder, the paint holder.. I mean I could go on and on about the accesories I own.  And, as with everything else, it is collecting dust in my hall closet. 

I hinted to my husband that I really wanted a sewing machine for Christmas last year. But I did warn him, that I couldn't promise it'd be used.. for I have learned my lesson too many times before. He bought it for me anyway and it sat in the same spot in our living room until just a week ago. I finally did get to use it for my son's puppet project, but Lord knows it could be another 5 months before I get the chance to break it out again. 

Am I the only person with a great desire to create fantastic "stuff", only to find I don't have the time, patience or motivation to follow through with them?

If you were to peruse our hall closet's shelves you'd also find half done Color Me Mine projects, family photos that have yet to be organized, unopened photo boxes that still have their original plastic coverings, a video cameras that get used once a year (Christmas Day), a tri-pod my husband swore we needed for our new Canon Rebel, fleece fabric that I need to save for some reason that I have yet to discover.. the list goes on.......Tell me I'm not crazy!

In case you're wondering, I did find my hot glue gun... NOT in the tub I thought it would be in. And it's good thing I didn't look on the top shelf of our hall closet... Then I'd have an entire blog on scrapbooking supplies that have been untouched for years.

I'd love to rack my brain and construct something ridiculously creative and/or witty to introduce myself, but it looks like you all beat me to it! 

So.....(I apologize in advance for the cliche) In a nutshell, here's me:

My husband and I moved our family here to Bakersfield on April 19th, 2005. (almost 3 years, who's throwing the party??)  We're originally from Rancho Cucamonga, Ca where my extended family still resides.  We have 3 children - Andrew is 5 1/2, Kaitlynn is 3 years old and Mitchell is 7 1/2 months. I am a stay at home mom so I've got about 4 brain cells left......I promise to try and save them for my RaisingBakersfield.com posts!