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A Generational Conflict
On Father's Day, my husband got to pick out his favorite dessert for me to make. Upon it's completion I let him take a gander at it and then said, "do you mind splitting it with my folks so we can celebrate father's day with my dad?" He grimmaced a bit. Not because he dislikes my parents, but because he's not what you'd call a willing sharer when it comes to my desserts. I told him that it was his day and he could make the ultimate decision. I figured even though my own father was well deserving of some 'sweet' recognition, it was Charles who is currently waking up at six in the morning to change a dirty diaper; my dad hasn't changed one in almost thirty years. Of course, Charles didn't mind sharing or going over to my parent's house. And, somehow, that topic came up again at my dad's house. Who is more deserving of tribute on father's day? The fathers who have already raised their children or the fathers who are currently in the process of raising their children? My dad's point of view is that since his job is done, and was done successfully, the majority of tribute should be aimed at him. My husband's and my point of view was that father's day is a respite for the dads who are knee deep in wants and needs at the present. A break from diapers, a break from fixing toys, and a break from waking up early. Or to put it a different way, is father's day a tribute to achievement or a break from the grind? I think it's both. Maybe the difference in opinion only really boiled down to who would get the rest of the trifle I had made. No argument there, it was going to be me.
5 comments from 4 users
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posted by
kevinmorrison
on Jun 17, 2008 at 11:02 PM
Can't really take it away once you've earned it, but can't deny the ones in the trenches now. So I believe it's equal across the generations. Just have to make a bigger dessert! posted by
noahj
on Jun 18, 2008 at 07:47 AM
Honestly, tribute should go to your husband above your father. The main issue isn't who qualifies on Father's Day but more of who should be honored more on that particular day. In this department I feel it shoots over to the Biblical concept of the leaving thy Father and thy Mother thing. By clinging to the old role and paying homage to your father sort of undermines your husband a little and/or saps a little of the specialness of his day away by splitting it with another person. He might say that he doesn't care, and in fact he might not care, but I believe it still plays a role in the end. A lot of the time husbands don't get a lot of special days where they get whatever the want no holds barred; no gripe, no whine, not even a grimace. This is, after all, why they have September 7th as Grandfather's Day. Wouldn't be fair for your pop to get to celebrate two holidays. This concept carries over to Mother's Day as well. Sure, I give my ma a call on Mother's Day, but like Valentine's Day the day wholly belongs to my wife and justly so. posted by
kevinmorrison
on Jun 18, 2008 at 08:20 AM
I like that Noah. Hadn't looked at it that way, but it makes a lot of sense. posted by
Mom2CandC
on Jun 18, 2008 at 09:48 AM
Noah does make a good point - I guess that I usually go overboard to honor each member that is or has been a dad in the family...just like mother's day too. I had the boys paint posterboard and then I cut out picture frames (an off shoot from a friends' idea) spelling DAD for the boys to give to hubby, POP for both granddads and a great big heart for my uncle who is like a dad to me and never had children of his own. (I do the same thing for my aunt on mother's day, pay tribute that is..) The hand made gifts are always a hit and usually end up hanging around for some time. Honestly, Father's Day belongs to the Dad who is currently in the trenches - in my opinion. He is king for the day and deserves the break! posted by
bushelandapeck
on Jun 19, 2008 at 07:21 AM
I agree with Kevin. That must be some pretty good dessert for the men to be competing for it!
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