Ethan's been potty trained for almost two years now but recently we've been working on him doing the, well...um...the wiping.  I should say, however, that we were working on the wiping.  After a few botched attempts I told Ethan we would go back to Mommy doing it and try again next month. 

But he wouldn't have any of it.  Thus, he makes secret trips to the bathroom to hone in on his skills and only calls on me when he's tired of trying to get the job done.  Usually, the aftermath is nothing bad at all.  But today, oh dear Lord, today was utterly unspeakable. 

The toilet seat was....  And in between the sheets of the roll of toilet paper....  He told me he had stuck his finger in....  I had to wipe down his lower back....  Unspeakable things.  Such unspeakable things. 

The climax of it all was the very poor timing of serving him a piece of chocolate frosted cake immediately prior.  There was a certain smudge below his bottom lip.  As we were washing his hands I asked, "Is that poop or chocolate by your mouth?"  The child proceeded to stick his tongue out and lick at the smudge with both a look of necessity and hesitation until he smiled and said, "Nah.  It's just chocolate."

Thank God for small miracles, thank God it was just chocolate.  The only thing left from the debacle is trying to strategize a plan of anti-bacterial attack for that toilet seat.  Otherwise, I'm afraid I will never use it again.