I'm so sorry for your loss!  I have not had this unfortunate experience; however, my brother and his wife lost their pregnancy at 9 weeks in January 2008 as a "blighted ovum".  We had just lost my grandmother, who was such a wonderful woman, and looking forward to having a new baby in the family was such a great thing!  Then, the news came.  We were all devastated!  My sister in law's due date was July 15 - the day before my mom and aunt's birthday...they are not twins, but they share the same birthday, 9 years apart.  (that was a tough day for us all...)  We have all cried together, even though my brother and his wife live in Montana.  It's hard to deal with loss, especially with an intelligent child in the home!  I have tried to be honest with my son, who is 6.  He has cried, asked questions, and talked about my grandma at length.  It's a tearful conversation anytime with me....(I'm a cryer when I'm sad or happy).  There is a great book that I sent to my brother and sister in law..."I'll hold you in heaven."  I don't recall the author....I got it from a friend who lost her baby at 6 months - and had to go through labor and delivery....talk about rough!  Give your family some time, and try to talk about it openly and allow your family to grieve together.  One thing the grief counselor I talked with at Hoffman Hospice reminded me is that kids process death, loss and grief differently than we do.  Check out Kevin Morrison's posts - he sent me one on my blog about my son's questions about death....It's awesome!  Keep the kleenex close though, it's sweet and will touch your heart!  If you want the author of the book I mentioned, let me know and I will send it to you...I'll have to ask my friend (or google it).  Hang in there and give yourself some grace and time!

Lindsey and I have not experienced an ectopic pregnancy, but we have had a miscarriage and a "chemical pregnancy". These experiences were very difficult for us. Lindsey spent a lot of time reading books on the subjects, participating in online discussions and communities on www.thenest.com, and praying. I tried to help her cope and be supportive, but I didn't do as good of a job as I could have. This has been one of my largest failures as a husband. The miscarriage was very hard for both of us as it would have been our first child. I had told my coworkers (over 100) that I was expecting, then had to let them all know of our loss. Thinking of our loss still makes me sad today and it has been more than 3 years. I think our healing didn't begin until the birth of our son as we tried not to get too exciting during the entirety of the pregnancy. We did have complications with the pregnancy (calcification of the placenta), but the birth went smooth and there were no other complications. Our two losses are still with us very closely though. Even earlier today Lindsey and I were talking about the chemical pregnancy as we have just started talking about wanting a second child. Basically, there are no easy answers or solutions when it comes to a tragic situation such as what you have experienced. If you are religious then take heart in that all things work toward good for those who believe. If you are not religious it might be a good time to speak with a religious counselor. I find that for any person it isn't our tragedies that define us but how we choose to respond to them. I know I originally didn't handle our experience in a way I am satisfied with, but I have changed my actions and have opened my heart more to my wife. I think we are both much stronger today because of it. My prayers are with you and your family.

I just googled the book title I referred to in my earlier post....the book I sent to my brother and sister in law was I'll hold you in Heaven - Rememberance book by Debbie Heydrick.  It was written by someone who experienced a miscarriage, and is a great tool to help you understand your feelings, giving you a place to journal and giving you hope at the same time.  I hope it helps!  Also, I have just ordered a book called "Someone I love died" by Christine Tangvald.  (to help me with answering some of the questions my 6 year old has).  I have been cleaning out the hall cabinets and found the birth announcement my brother and SIL gave us at Christmas to announce their bundle....it was tears all over for me!  This week has been really hard since we went through my grandma's jewelry on Sunday....lots of memories!  The reviews for this book were great - I'll let you know when it arrives.