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Tantrums to the Extreme
There are temper tantrums and then there are full-blown, to-the-extreme, the-neighbors-must-think-I'm-abusing-my-child tantrums. You know what I'm talking about. And yeah, we had one of those days yesterday. I always feel like I'm such an awful mother when that happens. Why? I'm not. I know I'm not. Maybe it just seems like there is some trick I should know, some discipline method more effective, something else I should do in those moments. How did the tantrum start? She accidentally wet the bed. No biggie to me. But she didn't like waking up wet. Yet here's the real kicker - she didn't want to change her clothes or have me wash the sheets either. Go figure. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. And the kiddo worked herself into such a huge fit, I eventually had to switch gears and focus on calming her down. Forget the initial issue whatever that was. At one point, she started using me as a punching bag. I literally stood there for a time while she hit - I had to just stop, take a breath and use my head to figure out what to do. So, I left her in her room, pee pee and all, and I told her I'd help her when she was nice to be around. That took quiet a while, but eventually she got there. (And we also didn't get to go with Daddy to a friend's house b/c the kiddo had wasted so much time - she certainly didn't like that either - but I hope that's a good lesson.) Eventually I convinced her to take a bath and that changed her mood for the rest of the evening. I, on the other hand, had a hard time not thinking about what happened. I wasn't angry. I just had this tape playing in my head like a football film - what could I do differently? how could I help her? did she learn a lesson? did I scar her for life in any way, shape or form? I know I'm not the only parent who has the world's worst tantrum thrower :) How do you other parents handle the tantrums? 3 comments from 3 users
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posted by
kevinmorrison
on May 6, 2008 at 09:44 PM
Who's to say if my judgement is correct, but I see tantrums as attention-seeking, and it's-all-about-me. So I take both of those options away, or one or the other if it is obvious which one they are going for. If you are my child and you start telling me it's all about you, I'll start moving to other interests or items on my to-do list besides catering to you. If you're just seeking attention and trying to manipulate me to get whatever attention it is that you want, you'll find yourself doing something alone. Both are hard to do, but most of the time, my kids get it, either consciously or subconsciously, and the boat rights itself. Not always. There's no fail-safe, sure-thing, cure-all. The most important thing, I think, is just consistency in YOUR actions. Our behavior problem of choice lately is crying... over everything, anything and nothing. A broken crayon, crust not cut off, a sibling within 10 feet, or maybe it's 2:14pm. I don't know. What I do know, is that lately EVERYTHING is traumatic and quite possibly the worst experience of my child's life... or so they would like me to believe. That's MY headache lately. posted by
TwinZebra
on May 7, 2008 at 11:14 PM
The best thingis to ignore them, because ultimately tantrums are about getting attention or forcing you to change your mind. Take away the audience and the tantrum serves no purpose. Take away the reward, and it ceases to be a strategy for getting one's way. My standard line is, "Go in your room and cry because I don't want to hear all that noise." Almost invariably, the child marches off to their room, (or is tossed in there, if necessary). The kid then slams his or her body down on the floor or bed dramatically and sobs for, like, two minutes before they realize the door is closed and nobody is watching. Then they come outside, calmly whimpering, and then and only then we talk about what ignited the firestorm in the first place. My daughter never hit anyone during these episodes. She just made a lot of noise. My son, on the other hand, hit others and even himself. He'd slap himself in the face, or bang his head on the wall or floor. It was very scary. But I stuck to my guns. His room is carpeted so I felt comfortable he wouldn't hurt himself thrashing around in there. My daughter is now 6 and mostly done with all that, although we still get occasional upturned hand-to-forehead, Oscar-worthy sobs if she's tired or frustrated. My son is just barely 3 so I've got a little ways to go with him, but he's getting better over time. Stay strong! posted by
HeatherIjames
on May 11, 2008 at 09:13 PM
i ignore them when we're at home, (including utilizing what i like to call mommy's time out where i lock MYSELF in my room until my son calms down - it's quite effective) and use secret death grips when we're in public. thumb and index fingers below the back of the ears on the neck immobilizes and shocks pretty darn fast. i think i saw it on an old star trek...the vulcan death grip. :)
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