A blog about Personal Journals.
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Coping
My daughter is only a couple of months away from turning four. And her little almost 4 year old self is processing losing a friend, the friend she had lunch with on Sunday. A few days ago, a toddler church friend of hers drowned. Now, I believe in miracles. Jesus said that we would do more than he did. I and all our church have been praying for that "more" in this time of need. Yeah, we want to see life back in this little boy. And so we've remained hopeful. We're not ready to mourn yet. But despite our hope, despite our focus on life and not death, the kiddo has still caught on that something has happened to her little friend. (Note: The kiddo has an imaginary friend, Eloise.) As we were strolling in Target today, the kiddo, head hanging low, said,"Eloise is dead." "Eloise is dead, honey?" "Yeah." (heavy sigh) "How does that make you feel?" "I'm really sad, Mommy," she says. "I understand. I am, too." This is her way of coping, of processing what is going on in her life right now. Of course she's not like this all the time. Most of the time she is her happy little self running around like a wild child. But there is no denying that she's been feeling a loss. I do have to say, though, that she is also feeling God's presence. She ended our tender discourse in Target with "But God cheers me up, Mommy." Yes, honey, yes He does. That is part of who He is - Comforter. (If anyone has any experience here, please share. Any ideas to help the kiddo share more of her feelings, express more of her thoughts, etc. Overall, I think we do a pretty darn good job as parents, but we always appreciate the input and suggestions of others.) 2 comments from 2 users
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posted by
HeatherIjames
on Jun 13, 2008 at 11:17 PM
one of ethan's friends lost her 8 month old sister to drowning last year. and shortly after that, he lost his great grandpa (whom he adored.) for some inexplicable GOD reason, he was absolutely comforted by the fact that these precious souls were with Jesus in heaven. he sometimes talks about them and always concludes, but they're happy up in heaven living with Jesus. i don't get it, other than the fact that God has His kingdom innate in the little ones to understand it better than we do. i wonder what ruins us as we get older. posted by
kevinmorrison
on Jun 13, 2008 at 11:29 PM
I don't have any experience in this other than the cat funeral we conducted in our backyard earlier this year. Not quite the same, but sometimes to these young minds it is more similar than we might think. My daughter still will, at random times, bring it up again that "Black Cat died." Most of the time I don't know what to say other than to ask her how she feels about that. She'll tell me she is sad. I sometimes tell her that Black Cat had a wonderful life because we loved her while she was here. That makes her feel a little better. Of course, I don't believe that cats go to Heaven, but for explaining it to her age, they absolutely do. And they are more happy with Jesus than we can even understand and they want us to be happy in our life until we meet them again. Honestly, I don't know how much this does toward helping her grieving process, but I will keep at it, hoping that she will continue to grow in understanding what happens when someone dies. I think that when she brings it up, sometimes it is best to just ask her more about how she feels and then let her words prompt me in where to take the conversation. I let her know that being sad is ok, but moving on is good. And to keep the happy memories of Black Cat.
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