Somewhere along the way, society has confused the definition of role model with that of an idol.

Idols are worshipped with blind admiration, devotion. Johnny Bench was my idol when I was growing up. The greatest catcher of all-time was just that -- a baseball player. He wasn't my role model. Yes, I wanted to be a catcher and a major league baseball player but I didn't know about him other than he was a gifted baseball player from Oklahoma. Years later I find out he was a womanizer. Had countless affairs and is an arrogant SOB. I didn't know that growing up. But I also didn't care because I had role models that guided me down my path. My parents taught me life lessons that no professional athlete could have taught me. Those are role models.

There's nothing wrong with being a Dale Jr. fan or a Hannah Montana fan. Dale is involved with numerous charitable organizations, and is a likeable guy. But having spent time around athletes, I know they aren't role models. Now, some can be role models but that's a minority. An example of a role model that can be an athlete would be if you were close friends with Phillip Dumatrait or David Carr. Maybe you know Casey Mears on a personal level. But to just be a fan and idolize someone, isn't the same as a role model.

To me, a role model is someone who your kids can actually interact with -- TV, DVD, XBOX, doesn't count. Someone who spends times with your child a few times a week, a few times a year. Someone you can talk to.

That's just my thoughts on the matter. And that's how I plan on talking to my sons about the difference of being a fan and idolizing someone, and finding a role model.

Well put, FP.  I guess the important part IS having that conversation.  Another place we need to be careful as parents in our own "fan" choices is to make sure it is clear how much of that person of choice we actually are a fan of.  As fans, we are supporting that person of choice, but how much of that person do we support?  As a fan of baseball history and baseball present, I struggle with that a lot.  In one of my children's books there is a subtle hint missed by most people that Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame.  As a fan of baseball, it's a no brainer, and it is admirable to emulate Rose's style.  As a man and the choices he made off the field, that's a different story.  Making that clear to kids is the important part.

The media today shows (and celebrates) so much more of the off-field antics/endeavors/realities of celebrities that this generation growing up is forced to see much more of the whole package than we did.  It sounds like I am harping on the media.  No offense, My dream job coming out of high school and going through college was to be a part of the media.  In fact, I wanted to be the next Rick Reilly.  It simply puts a larger burden on parents when it comes to monitoring the lava-flow of information coming at us (and our kids) from every direction.

 

First of all, you're cracking me up with your Dale JR. jokes  - my son is a major Jimmy Johnson fan. For what reason I have no clue. But again, he likes him to win, likes his car, and brings his name up every time we pass by Lowe's.

Now pardon me if this sounds crazy, because I haven't thought this through at all - these ideas were flowing in my head as I was reading your original post.  BUT -

What if your kids don't know about the bad stuff the celebrity/idol is doing? If our children are still young and naive enough to only see Dale Jr. as a cool NASCAR driver and a great philanthropist, then what harm is it doing?  I think the problem would begin when the child is admiring someone who he/she knows is doing "bad things" and starts to see that as acceptable, especially if it's someone they really want to be like.  I'm guessing once they are old enough to understand the negative actions, we need to speak out against that so the kid knows that it's NOT ok to say your true to your faith, but then pose half naked when you're underage.... and that it's NOT okay to commit adultery especially with an underage girl. Then when they get old enough, we just have to pray and pray that we gave them the wisdom and guidance they need to make the right decisions.

 

This morning, before taking The Pumpkin to preschool, all three of us were sitting at the table filling out her "Student of the Week" sheet for next week.  Besides asking her favorite food (chicken and rice) and what she likes best about school (playing with her friends--well, she said one in particular, but we wrote down "friends"), she was asked for the name of one person she admires.  To explain "admire" to a 3-year-old, I said, "Who do you look up to?  Who do you want to be like?"  And she said "Mama."  I know that, at this age, peer and media influence is just beginng to exert their pull on her young mind, and it's only going to get more challenging, and that much more important for her mother and me to be able to talk to her about things like choices and consequences and values and such.  I wholeheartedly agree with what's been said so far--that there's a difference between "role model" and someone you're a fan of, and that distinction deserves to be examined in every teachable moment we have with our child.

I agree that role model and fan should be different, but I don't know that it always is. I totally think it is our job as parents to separate that for our kids! I also think (and this goes for my older kids who are 10 and 13) that I want them to understand more about the person they are fans of. Kevin, you bum me out with the information on Miley Cyrus. Sometimes I prefer to stay in my little cloud of ignorance. That's a side note, but what I thought of as I read this is that I remember when Brittney Spears was first popular and had not gone off the deep end but was still certainly not someone I would have wanted my daughter to look up to. Anyway, we lived in Oklahoma, and a Tulsa news station had a Brittney look-alike contest. In my mind, there would be 12+ year old children there, which still made me sad because my daughter better not dress like Brittney when she is 12 or 13 (again a side note), but still 12 or older was what I thought would be there. One night I was watching news coverage of the contest. Right there on the television were 5, 6, 7 year olds dressed like Brittney. Now, really a five year old with a halter top bikini shirt and short shorts is not a big deal. It could be cute, I suppose, but it wasn't! I just kept thinking about how young they were to be looking up to someone who was so much older and not really a healthy model. And if they already think it is okay to dress like this, what would it be like when they were 12 or 13. And the other thing I thought was that there was no way a five year old came to idolize Brittney on her own. Most five year olds are watching Sesame Street, not Brittney Spears videos. This led me to believe that their parents were either dressing them to look like Brittney or encouraging them to watch Brittney videos so that they became interested. It just made me sad. There have to be better people out there to encourage your children to be like - their teacher, a friend of the family, someone who is making an impact on the world outside of celebrities. Little ones are too young, I think, to know what to do with all the negative information out there about people, but my older kids aren't. When James is talking up some musician or actor that represents something negative, I want him to know about it. There are musicians out there right now that I am sure have some songs that are perfectly fine, but the music these days is terrible. I hear songs that should have a rating system, like movies, so that they are not allowed to be played for just any audience. I don't want my children supporting any of those particular artist's music, and I want them to understand why I feel that way. Same with things going on in their personal life. If we have role models strung out on drugs or whatever, and I am helping my children to purchase their things, then I feel like, in some way, I am contributing to the problem. I do realize that my refusal to purchase their items is not enough to fix the problem either. And there are lots of people out their boycotting things for "good" reasons that I would never boycott so maybe my saying this is somewhat hypocritical, but I guess the main thing I am saying is that when I make a decision not to support something and if I want my children to respect and hopefully copy that decision, I want them to understand why. I've belabored that far longer than I planned. The other thing I want to say is that I definitely think our kids need good role models in people who they can actually sit down and talk to - parents, grandparents, adult friends. If those people are building into our kids, I think they will figure the other out on their own. I doubt many children grow up and start using drugs and then blame their favorite musician or racecar driver or whatever, unless adults they could actually talk to, were completely unavailable to them, making these "idols" their only role model, which is a different sad story - one I have seen a lot of in my time as a social worker. For those of you with older kids, I had a great friend (with older kids) tell me one time that they thought it was good for parents to give their children opportunities to build relationships with other adults, who the parents trusted, so that when they entered their teen years, if they ran across things they found hard to discuss with mom and dad, they had someone else, who their parents trusted, to also turn to. I think it was excellent advice. I don't know that we have hit those things with James, but I am pretty certain that if/when we do, he has someone to turn to.