wow - wish I had advice! We had a similar situation last night, only on a much lower level. My mom sent me some home videos from when I was a senior in high school. In some of the holiday ones, my boyfriend whom I dated for 2 years was sitting next to me at the family occasions. When my kids asked me who that was, my husband blurted out "That was mommy's boyfriend" .. In a funny make fun of mommy kind of way. But my initial reaction was OMG - shut up! don't say that! LOL I didn't want to have to explain specifics.. anyway, at least they let it roll off like it was no big deal.

Anyway, I'm rambling and not helping. I suppose the best advice would be to tell them when they are old enough to understand. Unfortunately I have no clue what age that is!!

Seeing it from both ends I say wait until they start asking. My oldest daughter was completely disgusted when she found out her father and I used to be a couple. She found a picture of he and I and was mortified. My husbands ex cheated on him which caused their divorce but his 9 year old has been fully aware of what happened from the get go. She asks a lot of questions. Actually a couple of years ago I was watching an episode of "Cheaters" (I know, it's a guilty pleasure!) and she said "I forgot, did my mom cheat on my dad or my dad on my mom?" I figured if she was big enough to ask the question and to actually realize what happened I would make sure she knew who did what...your kids still seem pretty young though...

All IMHO-  I don't think there's a problem mentioning the ex in front of the kids as long as you are civil, calm, etc.  Kids are not fond of surprises regarding parents' pasts.  We don't have to reveal all details, but talking/mentioning leaves the subject open in the future when the kids are more mature.  And meanwhile, if kids ask questions or we feel the need to explain a sensitive issue, we do our best to give the chilren enough info but not too much ( like on the subjects of death, sex, divorce, war, etc.).  But again, I think it is so important to keep communication lines open b/c it maintains that heart connection with our children.  Just divulge information as you deem appropriate.

All good stuff.  Thanks!

Hi,

I think kids know and pick up on more than we give them credit.  My step-daughter is now 7 years old but from the time she was very young she had questions about the reason her mom and dad separated.  One day she shocked us both by saying, "My mom cheated, huh?"  After recovering from our shock, my husband and I looked at each other and said, "what makes you think that?" She said, "oh, I don't know" and went on talking about something else.  Feeewww!  We left it alone.  I think as long as you keep it age-appropriate and you don't bad-mouth the other party, it's good to be honest with them.  They will appreciate it when they grow up.   

There's my two-cents!