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twogirlsmama - > Blog Mama -> Not Ready for an Empty Nest
Not Ready for an Empty Nest

Let me preface this blog by saying there are all kinds of parenting styles, just like there are all kinds of personalities, and everyone has a style that works best  for them. That being said, my style is, apparently, attachment parenting. I didn't know that was what my style was called, until my oldest daughter was about 2 and I was reading about weaning and there was a link in the article on that word, so I clicked on it and read the definition. Basically, it's parents who wear (in a sling) or carry their kids a lot, co-sleep, and often times breast feed longer than the average bear.

So, fast forward 8 years and I am still having separation issues. Yes, me, not my daughter. She is happy and well-adjusted and even made the jump from home schooling to public school this year with no fuss and loads of success. I'm the one who can't sleep nights worrying about possible scenarios she may encounter without me in her shadow. And as if sending her off to school wasn't bad enough, I now have to send her to her Dad's house once a week. Once a week, not bad odds, considering there are 6 other nights she and her sister spend with me. But oh that one night! Don't get me wrong, they love going and it's important to me that they have a relationship with their Dad. But must they sleep there too?

Sure, I enjoy the break for the first few hours. Catch up on housework, run an errand without the help of children, maybe even read a book! But it's bedtime that gets me. No matter how late I stay up and how long I avoid going to bed, I always have a hard time getting to sleep. It is too eerily quiet. And my bed is just too empty. Yes, it's true, my 3 year old still sleeps with me. In the interest of fairness, her sister slept with me til she was almost 4, so...

Anyway, I have adapted, as much as I can, to my prematurely empty nest, and it is only temporary, for now, at least. But I can see myself in 10 years when my oldest heads off to college. Can I come with you, I'll ask. Mom, she'll most likely say, PUHLEASE! Give me some SPACE! And that's all well and good. It's healthy for them to spread their little wings and jump ship at some point. I just hate all these little departures, when I am trying so desparately to soak up every moment with them while I can. I hear that a lot more kids are moving back home after they graduate college these days. I am secretly hoping the trend continues. But more than likely my girls will be saying to me, "No Mom, you can't live with us. Go, be an adult." But that is so over rated!

Posted in the Elementary School Aged interest group.
Topics: single mom, Divorce, Attachment Parenting
posted by twogirlsmama on Monday, June 9, 2008 at 11:09 PM
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posted by kevinmorrison on Jun 10, 2008 at 06:53 AM

We took a big letting-go step last week when our neighbor's kid invited my son over to swim.  Layton is turning 6 this week and he is not the greatest swimmer yet.  But after confirming that there would be adults watching them, we let him go.  It is the first time he has been in the water and not in sight of his parents.  Jill had a harder time with it.  I brushed it off like it was no big deal, but that was actually for her benefit.  It was a big deal, and I did peek over the fence a couple times.

I will say it is also rewarding to see them be their own person when they think you're not around.  It's tough to let go, but it's really cool to watch them fly.

posted by bushelandapeck on Jun 10, 2008 at 07:50 AM

Oh, every little independent step gets to me!  When the kiddo was 3, we went to Brazil for 2/3 weeks.  Family took care of the kiddo for us, and they also dropped us  at LAX.  I bawled like a baby.  The kiddo was fine; a couple of people had to take the kiddo away so she wouldn't see me cry!

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