Everyday life at home.... - Mom2CandC's Blog - Raising Bakersfield

Grieving again...this time a friend near my age.

I spent yesterday enjoying a kid-free 7 hours with a good friend happily scrapping away and trying to get caught up on 4+ years of pictures that needed to be added to the family scrapbook. I purposefully left my phone in the car...to avoid interruptions from the kids (or hubby who was on daddy-duty). As I returned home yesterday evening at about 5, I found that my cell had numerous missed calls, as well as a few at home from a close circle of friends from preschool.

I thought, well, something MUST be up...everyone of my friends knows that I was going to be out of touch and devoting time to scrapping today. So, I called the last caller on the phone - since her call sounded most urgent. She called me back to let me know that a good friend, who was 39 years old and had a son the age of my oldest, had passed away suddenly Tuesday morning. At first, I had to ask her to repeat it....surely I had misunderstood her. Not the person I respected as a mother, businesswoman, friend and most impressive organizer I have ever met. Sure enough, I had heard right, and the friend I met as I began preschool with my oldest son, who is the same age as her youngest son - had passed away.

Kelly was a wonderful person, always had a pleasant smile and loved to laugh. She lived for her family and friends....always giving of herself tirelessly. Kelly served as president for the prescool for 3 years. She was in charge of fundraising, and many other committees that kept the school going. She was great at everything she did, it seemed. She was the ideal mom that always seemed to have it all together - but, she was the first to admit that she was battling with the same things we all were.

I suppose that I accept the fact that older people live and pass away a little easier. I have finally been able to talk about my grandmother's death without crying...that's been almost a year now. But, there is something that is so much more difficult to understand and accept when someone within a few years of your age dies suddenly - especially since our kids are near the same age. It's times like this you just wonder why someone so wonderful had to go so soon? It also makes you realize that life is precious and we never know when or how we will meet our maker.

In memory of Kelly Haines.

Halloween Countdown....

So, we have the official Halloween Countdown going at our house! Eleven days and counting down! My oldest is now 6 and in first grade. He is very excited about this year's halloween parade at school, and has informed me that "I NEED to get working on his cosutme!!" This Saturday was the Fall Festival at school - lots of games, fun, hay rides, petting zoo, candy and carnival style games to play. He LOVED the games and actually helping in giving away the prizes at the booth our class was responsible for.

Okay, here is the scoop on the costume....I usually give the boys a choice. When they were smaller, we just looked online and ordered them cute ones from Disney.com One year the oldest was Buzz Lightyear and the younger one was Woody. That was my favorite.....so far. The oldest has been Superman, Stitch (from Lilo and Stitch), Buzz Lightyear, Woody, and Bob the Builder.

Last year, the youngest was not much in the mood for holiday festivities since his "best friend in the whole world" moved out of town....that was a major trauma! So, this year, he has announced that he wants to be Diego the animal rescuer! WOO HOO - I already have that arranged and not a problem! The oldest....well, he has announced that he wants to be Indiana Jones. So, we have a little work to do on that one. I thought I could get a pair of khaki cargo pants, he has brown boots, a shirt and a jacket. The hat may be a challenge and the "rope/whip" will be hand made out of soft material. I am still trying to figure out the brown satchel/map case he carries. Any suggestions?

I was thinking I may go as Sarah Palin this year....Maybe I could get my hubby to be McCain? HA HA HA!! Happy Halloween everyone!!

Our visit to the allergist!

Well, one thing that has consumed me lately...my youngest had issues after being on two different kinds of medications (via nebulizer) at least twice daily, plus the regular daily stuff...still issues ensued as the almond trees began to shake and the air quality suffered. So, we went to see the pediatrician and she referred us to the allergist for a consultation....we actually got in quickly and within a week or so, we met with the doctor. He was very nice, pleasant and had suffered with asthma himself for most of his life. So, he understands what we are experiencing. He listened to the medications we administered, agreed with it all, and then suggested allergy testing to help in avoiding the triggers that may be causing the issues he was currently experiencing...

The next week, we returned for the testing...not pleasant; however, it was helpful. We returned the following week for the appointment to get the results. Mold and dust mites...nothing to do with pollen, trees or anything outside; well, except the mold outside with leaves and such. So, I have set to cleaning like a mad woman - sealing all the bed in a case, pillow and the mattress. No mold to speak of...except with the leaves that get wet outside....not much to be done about that. I am thankful that there were no reactions to dogs - since we had promised the boys a golden retriever sometime later in the year. We'll see.... Until there is another major issue, the youngest is doing well, I am worn out from cleaning and everyone is happy! I think the "cleaner air" has helped also...since the "unhealthy for sensitive groups" days have seemed to fade into the sunset...until next spring...

What IS middle aged?

Well, I suppose that Heather's Barcelona Chronicles - Part 1 got me thinking....I have become accustomed to being called "ma'am" and the like by younger than me kids working at pizza places and the like. My age was an issue when I reached 30 - it was a tough one! Now that I am in my late-mid 30's....it's not that big a deal...(I can't believe I said that!) Anyway, my hubby and I were chatting the other day about our aging family, and what the heck was middle aged anyway? Our kids' playmates called us Mr. and Mrs. Adams, or Colby's Mom - as most of the friends like to call me. I suppose that I have always felt older than I really am...not sure why!

So, as we joked about our 20 year high school reunion approaching next July....I said to my love, we are nearing our 40's and that means middle age! (with a smile of course)! So, he said, "No, I'm not middle aged! Far from! Our parents are middle aged, not me!" Okay sweetie, whatever you choose to believe is your dream...my mom is in her mid-60's or thereabouts....that's the upper end of middle age, isn't it? His parents are in their early 60's too. So, we googled "middle aged" and I guess we both are right. 40-65 is what the consensus is...what do you all think? Have you had this discussion with your spouses? I guess that we all have our own perspective on things....I didn't want to talk about it before I turned 30....now, it's just a number! You are only as old as you allow yourself to feel!

Grocery shopping by myself....a LUXURY!

I'm not sure if this falls under the "You know you're a mom when...." or just my selfish need for a little quiet time - however and whenever I can get it! I have been under the weather lately, and the heat just makes me cranky! So, I have stayed at home, in the cool and dark house with the a/c on 80, ceiling fans cranked, and doing only the absolute necessities in house work! So, when I realized the other night that we only had ONE nighttime diaper for the TWO boys (and they each needed one...) I took the opportunity to leave the boys playing at home with dad, who had been at work all day - but didn't seem to mind me splitting alone....ALONE! Whoa....you'd think I was on my way to the spa or some hot date with a friend in a far off place! I was gone for a short time, probably only about 45 minutes total. BUT, it was 45 minutes of TOTAL PEACE and QUIET!

I didn't have to worry about: the boys running around the store, stepping on my toes or hiding behind the tall bin of outside balls that seem to find their way into the cart and in our yard, running the cart into my heals - or those of others who are not as understanding, kids wanting sugary treats that I have to pry from their hands....or worse, having to threaten them with a time out, losing a treat or a spanking for not listening. Yes, I suppose I lead a pretty boring life.....I have realized that if my highlight is actually being able to shop for nighttime diapers and milk by myself (with an extra trip to a discount store to buy recycling bins for the garage) as an added bonus! I need to get out more often!

Although, we did take a trip out this morning, and it reminded me of why I REALLY treasure those times by myself! We made three stops....1. to a friends house to drop off a donation to their MOPS event next weekend 2. We had to stop two separate places to find the right size and color hat for Dad to wear at work and 3. The grocery store to get a few things for dinner the next few nights. In less than 2 hours, I had said, "Don't touch!" "Please listen to me and come here!" or something along those lines at least 40 million times!!! The guys in the stores we were in were pretty good natured - the first store, the owner tried to make me feel better by saying, "Well, they are boys!" REALLY? I guess he was trying to be funny.....I was ready to scream at the top of my lungs (which would have made me cough like a barking seal....pretty funny, I suppose!) "Why won't you boys just listen for goodness sake?!?" Oh yes, because you are boys and I need a vacation.....ALONE! :P

Like mother, like son....my 6 year old has a major fear of needles!!!!

Well, this was NOT a shock for me....since I was just exactly the same when I was Colby's age! I had a major fear of needles...any time I had to have a shot or labwork as a child I would scream, cry, wiggle, flail about....get the idea?? Well, I guess that I have now met my match, in a 6 year old son who is quite strong willed and very strong in his resistence! So, we went to the doctor for the annual well-child visit this week. He kept asking the nurse, doctor and me, "No shots right?" Right, no shots! So, little brother gets two shots and a finger stick for his lead level test. He cried for a second and then said, "That didn't hurt that bad!" He was happy to go home and swim with Dad. Big Brother did have to go to the lab to have some blood work....for the standard 6 year old test, CBC, Cholesterol tests....Here's where it gets interesting....I knew from the Kindergarten visit to the doctor, that we'd be in for a battle....Me (holding him like an octopus), the nurse sitting on his legs and the doctor all together to get his finger stick and two immunizations!! I NEVER wanted to do that again...

So, we talked about it and I basically bribed him into going. We took his favorite stuffed dog and went to Target to choose something he REALLY wanted (Legos $10). I then drove to the lab. He was fine until we got into the lab, then the talking (begging) and tears began. We talked about why we needed to do this, how fast we could be done and home, playing with the new legos and swimming with dad....THEN, they called us back. Down we sat, in THE CHAIR. Once I sat down first, he sat in my lap (reluctantly). Then the writing was on the wall....The arm rest went SLAM (like a jail door I guess, to Colby) and he starts to Scream, "NO! NOT THAT! NEVER!" Okay, I reason with him, Just relax, close your eyes and breathe in a deep breath. He suddenly has both hands in a DEATH GRIP around the chair and won't let go!

20 (yes, 20 minutes later....) we are still trying to get him to trust this lab technician to JUST LOOK at his arm. She finally got that far, and he started telling her that she could only touch, not use that rubber band thing. AND, she could not take his blood from his arm, only his wrist! UMM, that's not the way it works....We finally got the arm out and rubberband on his arm....NO WAY!! He yanks his arm back and we're done! So, I am beyond frustrated with my son, tired and hungry at this point (It's after 5 p.m. now and we've been the spectacle long enough at the lab)....We walk outside, still debating about why he needs to do this and why we should go back inside and "try it again" according to my negotiator son now. He wants to have an iron clad guarantee that I won't take his Legos back....until he gets his blood taken. Well, since he has been a negotiator all of his life (I jokingly call him my Lawyer in training...No offense meant!) I agree that I will keep them until Tuesday afternoon. Then they go back! Dad was supposed to take him yesterday morning, while I was at my last morning of bible study....and they conveniently "got too busy and FORGOT". So, we talked about it last night - again....and I have talked about my own fear of needles - which used to be just as bad, I would just avoid them like the plague! I did overcome the fear, after a trusted counselor suggested I may need some help with my phobia. I am trying the same techiniques with Colby right now, just talking about it and trying to answer his questions with honesty and gentle reassurance. He agreed to think about it last night, after we talked while he was laying in bed ready to doze off. Today, I have not spoken about "THE LAB" and going...only about relaxing, running one errand to get a few things from the store, and cleaning the house up...

Has anyone else dealt with this and their kids? What works for you all? I am not willing to just take a drive to the lab (he is well aware of the way we need to go and gets suspicious if we even head that direction) and he is to the age, where he needs to be a willing participant (or at least willing to sit still) in order to get the tube and needle in position and not do damage to him (or anyone in the vacinity!) I still have the Legos hidden....but am not sure that's all it's going to take. My mom has added the incentive of her taking him to get ice cream after all is said and done....we'll see if that's enough....If that doesn't work, what will we do??

HELP needed from my crafty friends on RB.com

Okay, since I have been homebound for WAY too long....I am finally feeling better and have begun cleaning again and looking for simple things to do....I have found a picture display board that I had hanging in our nursery...it's baby blue and white checked, with blue ribbon criss-crossed to hold down pictures and cards. However, it no longer fits the color scheme in either room we have for the boys. I am all about trying to re-use and re-cycle things (especially since I still want to use it in some part of the house - even if it's in the office to post reminders). The idea I had was to recover it with a different color of material, and use new ribbon and buttons or something appropriate to hold the ribbon tight...

So, I searched for an eternity online last night, and had no luck in finding any "how-to's" on HGTV or even through a google search. Has anyone got any suggestions for me? The back is sealed in a light covering, but comes loose pretty easily. I don't necessarily have to re-use the backing. The buttons are attached through the board, as well. I have to completely disassemble it before recovering it with different material - but, am up for the project if I know what I'm doing....sort of, at least.... Thanks for the help!! ;)

Looking for fun things to keep the kids entertained INSIDE!

Okay, I'm looking for some help from anyone who has suggestions for fun things to do inside with my 4 year old son (who has been told "no going outside until the air is better for you to breathe" by his pediatrician) and us. Unfortunately, we are both sick with a nasty upper respiratory infection, cough, and just overall yuckyness....and he has asthma that is making it worse! So, unfortunately, our family is housebound unless we see the air quality in the moderate range - or his asthma is kept under control. I have my 6 year old, who loves to swim, play and be outside. He is the only healthy one (other than Dad) who works 12 hour days....SO - what can we do? I'm so tired of the computer games, DVD's, tv being on non-stop. We have built a camp, played hide and seek (our coughs make it a quick game) paint, build with Legos, draw....I'm out of ideas!

Any suggestions? Both boys play well together, and love trains, cars, legos, and to read. My voice is trashed, so, reading is out of the question....until I feel better. Thanks for your suggestions and for listening to me complain!

Getting ready for the 4th of July!!

The 4th of July is a little more than a week away.... my kids are SO excited about the fact that fireworks stands are being contructed at every corner! We have a jar of change that is rolled, the kids (dad included) have been scrounging pennies, saving change and trying to get more money to buy fireworks.....nearly $24 so far - thanks to a big addition from Grandma and Pop! So, today, we have dug out the 4th of July decorations, changed the welcome sign, created a new wreath for the door, and the boys are ready to get dollars for the change!! Even though I have pre-ordered a package from our nephew's soccer club....that's a surprise!

They are already talking about the 4th of July parade in our neighborhood, what kind of home made ice cream we are going to make, who is coming over for our fireworks, and what we should eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner! I know it will be a great day! Does anyone else have plans or kids that are as excited as mine??

6 year old son's questions...about dying.

I knew it was bound to come up sooner or later, especially since my oldest, who is 6 now, is very inquisitive. My grandmother (who was 94 and I was very close to) passed away in December this past year. She was definitely ready to move on, and had been preparing for at least a year or two. She was at home, and very coherent mentally. She recognized us all and we all made our rounds sitting by her bed and hearing "I love you" and all of the advice she wanted to give us...as long as she could. My hubby and I took the boys to see great-grandma one last time on Christmas day, and she was still doing well and sitting up in her chair. Both boys were a little confused and didn't quite know what to make of it. Once my grandma passed, we decided that the kids should stay with a family friend the day of the service, I didn't want my kids to remember their great-grandma in her casket lying still. I wanted them to remember her full of life and smiling at them. So, now that we are in the midst of cleaning out her house and going through things - there have been lots of questions and tears from the oldest. Colby has the concept that she won't be with us any longer, and that she died and went to heaven with Jesus....but, he still is not quite sure when we knew she died and why didn't Jesus send her back to be with him? He has also asked many questions about his great-grandfather - my grandma's husband, who passed away before we got married. I have tried to explain the facts of living and dying to my 6 year old without scaring him or without giving him too much information...but, I am not quite sure what else to do....

So, my question is this...does anyone have some good reading material that would help me deal with this issue with a little more knowledge on a kids level? How about some experience from someone who has already been through this and can give me some suggestions for what to say, read or books to read together? My grandmother had Hoffman Hospice to help out at the end, and I know that they have a grief group - but, I am not sure if that is what he needs. He really just has tons of questions...what 6 year old doesn't?