SAHD Days - Slowing Down the Blur - kevinmorrison's Blog - Raising Bakersfield

Apr 28, 2008 at 11:04 AM : Dude, I started my...

Dude, I started my dadblog because I needed someplace to blow off steam about that kind of stuff. :) My subject matter quickly went beyond that when I got that stuff off my chest, but still... I feel you. :)

So, my favorites (note the sarcasm):

Any mention of "Mr. Mom." I mean, I know people are still trying to get a handle on the fact that social roles are changing, and they're grasping for anything familiar to make sense of the unfamiliar, but dude? A 25-year-old comedy, the humor of which was premised on every stereotype of "dads are inept at actual parenting" you can imagine? Tired. Very tired.

"Oh, you're babysitting today?" Um. No. (With the "oh, is it mom's day off today?" corollary, of course.) I'm sorry, but even if the dad isn't a SAHD, he's the DAD. He's a PARENT. When he's with his kids, he's not babysitting--he's parenting. And the attitude that all dads do is babysit--that attitude lets them off the hook, lowers expectations, and is part of the problem.

I wrote once about a time that my wife put The Pumpkin's shoes on the wrong feet in the morning but some women at a coffee house, who pointed it out to me, insisted that it must've been my fault because moms wouldn't do that.

Here's a post I did back in the day that's a little more analytical, on the politics of exclusion (okay, that sounds way serious and boring, but it's not that heavy).

So no, Kevin, you're not overly sensitive. :)

Apr 28, 2008 at 01:04 PM : Isn't it sad how...

Isn't it sad how much society dis-credits fathers these days?????

(and is dis-credits even a word? Well you know what I meant.)

Apr 28, 2008 at 01:04 PM : ""Oh,...

""Oh, you're babysitting today?" Um. No. (With the "oh, is it mom's day off today?" corollary, of course.) I'm sorry, but even if the dad isn't a SAHD, he's the DAD. He's a PARENT. When he's with his kids, he's not babysitting--he's parenting. And the attitude that all dads do is babysit--that attitude lets them off the hook, lowers expectations, and is part of the problem." Amen to that! And Kevin, I think being a stay at home dad is an incredible thing for you and the kids! And certainly NOT unbiblical. That ticks me off that people think that! I think the time that Brent stayed home with the kids on Oklahoma was so great for them and for us! You did make me laugh, though, over the lady in the store. Can you imagine butting into someone's life like that? People are so unbelievable! I remember right after Jason was born, we were walking in Wal-Mart and some older lady walked up and told me all about how I should not bother having any more kids and trying for a girl because it would never happen. First of all, it was crazy to me because it was almost as if I couldn't possibly be happy to have two boys. Plus, my having another baby or not was so not something I wanted to discuss with a stranger - he was so little that I wasn't really up for discussing it with anyone. I just remember smiling and thinking to myself, "Please, Lord, when I'm older help me to be more sane than that!!!"

Apr 28, 2008 at 03:04 PM : I should also add that...

I should also add that people's reaction or lack of reaction to me as a SAHD does not cause me to doubt what I am doing. I think it is the coolest thing for my kids, and of course I have a blast with them. Nothing changes either of those things. I guess I just don't get why other people don't get it.

Apr 29, 2008 at 08:04 AM : I was a...

I was a stay-at-home-mom for 18 years, and I have a much different perspective of this situation. The men on this board are anomalies, and believe me when I tell you that you are making wives of "the other type of men" very jealous. You.... GROCERY SHOP?? You.... COOK? You... CLEAN? I swear that doesn't effect me at all. :)

Forgive me, but for the stereotype with which you are saddled, you have no one to blame but your fellow man. It is he, of the caveman mentality, who has perpetuated the myth that men must be babysitters of their own children. It's why most women have to "ask" their husbands if they can "watch" the kids today, where on the other hand, men can make a golf date and inherently know that the kids will be watched.

Get my point? Kevin and Jason, you are suffering what stay-home-moms have been suffering for decades (spouses who can't put shoes on the right feet, who have never been down the meat aisle of a store), but in a male-dominated society, you have not been conditioned to expect people to question you -- so it surprises you. It offends you. Women, on the other hand, have had to deal with it in the only way we know how: we laugh about it and assume that 99% of men are ill-equipped to handle the children. Kevin and Jason, you fall in the other 1%... but can you blame people for assuming otherwise, based on the clumsy footprints left by your predecessors?

It will take a lot more of you SAHDs doing it *right* to change the way people view your role. You both have very, very lucky wives... but I suspect that they already know that. :)

Apr 29, 2008 at 09:04 AM : I agree with your...

I agree with your point, Dana, and I can't reasonably expect to change anyone's presuppositions based on one or two encounters. I guess the thorn in my side comes from the people from whom I SHOULD be able to reasonably expect a change in their perception of me, the ones I see daily.

In the end, it's not a mountain I'm going to climb. I'll stop and stare and shake my head at it every once in a while, but my kids are getting what they need. I don't think a change in others' perception would affect that. I just like to make some noise periodically and clean out the what-irks-me storage tank. :-)

Apr 29, 2008 at 10:04 AM : Would have to agree...

Would have to agree with you on that one Dana!

Apr 29, 2008 at 01:04 PM : I know, I hear you,...

I know, I hear you, Kevin. When I was initially reading your blog, my first reaction was, "I can't believe the moms aren't all over him." That is because dads are usually the funniest, the most easygoing workers in the classroom, sans drama. You can talk to a dad and not worry if he's secretly thinking that you need to lose weight or that those pants look horrible on you. Nope... the dads are just there to work, play, and be overall great classroom helpers. I am actually shocked that you aren't the most popular person on campus when you're in the class. Pay no attention. You can be assured that your kids love when you're there and the teacher loves it even more for the help you give. :)

As for the other... cavemen!!!! Grrrrr!

May 12, 2008 at 01:05 AM : First of all, there...

First of all, there should be more men/dads like you, ready and willing to partner in parenting. Secondly, how you and your wife decide to divide the labor (bringing home bacon and child rearing) is nobody's business but yours. I think sometimes people are threatened by things that are foreign to them so they have to criticize others to compensate for their own insecurity. And why anyone thinks it's their place or their right to give you their negative two cents is beyond me. Kudos to you and your wife for doing what works for your family, despite what anyone else thinks.