I couldn't get out of bed this morning. I excersized yesterday (first time my fat butt has been off the couch for a while) and then stayed up late reading. 

On weekdays I'm usually up by 6 am, 6:30 at the latest. Finally, at 7 o'clock my 6-year-old threw open the bedroom door and, hand on hip, announced that I had to wake up.

I sat up and was stunned to find my daughter was dressed, neatly and in coordinated colors. She had also dressed her 3-year-old brother. She had changed his diaper, too, disposing of it properly in the diaper pail we keep in the garage. Both had already brushed their teeth. She had even sort of made breakfast in the form of bread and cheese.

Since 45 minutes of my morning every day is dressing and feeding my children, it occured to me that I hadn't lost any time even though I had drastically overslept.

I grabbed a quick shower, and then as I was headed to my room to dress my daughter, who usually swarms me every second, said, "I'm going to close the door so nobody bothers you while you get dressed," and closed my door.

So here's my theory. In the middle of the night, aliens drugged me, causing me to oversleep. That gave them time to abduct my daughter, and in her place they left a mature, responsible, independent adult who LOOKS like my daughter and SOUNDS like my daughter but couldn't possibly BE my daughter.

What government agency is in charge of alien abductions? I'm not sure who to report it to.