Recent Blog Posts: Raising Bakersfield

Church!

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 09:42:34 PDT

I've noticed a lot of mentions of church in several blogs. That's actually one of the things that was attractive about Bakersfield when we were looking at places to move to, was that there seemed to be a church on every corner.

I was wondering this morning what churches were represented here on RB. We are sort of splitting time right now. We are members at Christ's Church of the Valley, but we are working with the new church plant, Kaleo Fellowship which CCV is supporting.

Where do you all go?

Earth Mama Wannabe

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 00:16:12 PDT

There is this idealistic part of me that wants to be an earth mother, living on a big piece of land with 10 kids. Unfortunately the logistics just never lined up. Rocky marriage, lack of patience for the two kids I do have, and of course, the land. Anyway, I try to be content within my current circumstances, but most days I feel like I'm still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. Mom is my favorite job to date, and the only one I really want to do full time, but unfortunately the currency in which I'm paid isn't accepted at most stores. Although whoever said your good looks won't get you anything never met my girls. Their cuteness has gotten them free stuff on more than one occasion. My point here,...I'm not sure. Other than, life is what we make of it and idealism and reality have to meet somewhere in the middle. Most of all I try to enjoy the ride, savor it, because I know it will go by in the blink of an eye...

Nostalgia

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 16:38:24 PDT

Oh, nostalgia. It came for a visit today when all I wanted to do was to put the laundry away. The baby is almost four months old and it was time to move through the newborn clothes to the next size up. I had a box ready to put the old away in, to get it ready to be sold at the next baby items consignment sale. I didn't realize it would be so hard.

It wasn't just Aidan's clothes. It was a combination of both all the new items I had bought for him and the best of the best of his older brother's outfits from almost four years earlier. When I put my older son's clothes in a box four years ago, I knew I was safekeeping them, storing them for the next bundle of boy that I innately knew would eventually bless my little life.

But, this time, it was different. There aren't going to be any more babies in this house, and I am likely to never see these tiny onesies and rompers again. They are getting boxed up to depart forever and I was torn. Each piece has a memory. I can't, for the life of me, recall what exact memory goes with each piece. I simply have this fuzzy little notion that goodness, joy, and love are somehow interwoven in each outfit. Like the blue sleeping gown that both of my sons wore. It looked so good against their blue eyes, those extra-long lashes, I just couldn't put it in the box. Nothing special happened when they wore this gown, but I had to keep it. I knew there was something about it.

Maybe it was on their little bodies when I fell in love with them. Maybe they wore it when I whispered in their ears for the first time that I'd die for them. Maybe I spent twenty minutes trying to spot treat either poop or throw-up on it in the middle of one night, realizing for the first time that all my labor is well worth it. I don't know which one of these things it might have been. May have been all of them. Maybe none of them. But I plan on keeping that gown.

It is a symbol of love only a parent knows, a piece of time that will remain precious even when I am old and alone. And now, the gown has a new meaning. Not of the perfect and small bodies that once were clothed in it, but of the realization that being a parent comes with a price. That at some point in time, whether we like it or not, we have to say goodbye. Not to everything, but most of it.

Fathers' Day is the best nap of the year

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 12:50:43 PDT

Had a great Fathers' Day yesterday. I would post pictures, but I am the family photographer and I took a break from most duties yesterday. Layton gave me a tennis racket, which is cool because he just got one for his tennis camp and now we can play together. Miss Hollywood gave me a new Ted Dekker book. He's one of my favorite authors.

We spent the day at church and then at my parents' house, eating, watching Dale Jr. get his first win in two years, watching the Angels blank the Braves, and of course napping.

The cool thing about the Fathers' Day nap, is that it is pretty much goes uninterrupted. On every other day of the year, naps are hard to squeeze in with all the usual chaos that is fatherhood.

Thank you Layton and Holly, and of course Jill, who made me a proud father in the first place!

Father's Day

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 11:30:46 PDT

Amidst all the hubbub yesterday of shopping and getting ready for a friend's barbecue, James and I took a few quiet moments to appreciate HIM for being a wonderful friend, companion and future father. He has been there for me every step so far, and I know he'll continue to be until we are no long on this earth. Even though we are not married and this pregnancy was a huge surprise, he is committed to being the best dad he possibly can to this baby. I trust him 100 percent and I am so glad to be creating a family with him.

Since he's always reading my "What to Expect When Expecting" book, I got him his own version from Dad's point of view: "The Expectant Father." He opened it to a page about how to pick baby names. It had a great idea: Each parent lists 10 favorite names and then swaps for the other to cross off names he/she doesn't like. Then keep doing that until you end up with a list you both like. Then narrow it down from there. We are not going to think about names until we know what sex the baby is. The ultrasound is July 7, so it's not that far off! James has a gut instinct it's a girl. Since the father's chromosome determines the sex, maybe he knows something I don't. I don't have an instinct either way.

I also talked to my father last night and got to share the news of my pregnancy with him. I was waiting for Father's Day to surprise him, and, like everyone who hears the news for the first time, he was very surprised. But he and my stepmom are very happy for me and excited to have another grandchild on the way. (One of my stepbrothers has four kids already!)

To all you fathers out there, Happy Father's Day!

How was your Father's Day?

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 11:17:38 PDT

I hope that everyone had a great time celebrating the fathers in their lives yesterday.

We drove down to my paternal grandmother's house for our annual backyard picnic, which was started in memory of my grandfather, who passed away near Father's Day 11 years ago. It was a full house--my grandmother, my parents, my dad's brother and his kids, my uncle's best friend who's sort of like another brother, my wife's parents, my dad's cousins and their families, and us. It was nice and cool, compared to Bakersfield, and we spent a leisurely evening hanging out and eating. Living as we do at least 2 hours away from family, The Pumpkin loves every second she gets to spend with any of her grandparents, and it shows. Watching her with them, and with the rest of the family, seeing the joy and love on her face--that's my Father's Day gift, and luckily I don't have to wait to get it just once a year.

How did you spend your Father's Day? Check out NoahJ's journal entry, and post your own. Also, upload photos of your celebrations to our scrapbooks (we're always looking for great photos to reprint in our monthly newsletter!) and share the love!

Need everyones help

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 08:50:01 PDT

Hey everyone. I wonder if you might be willing to do something for me. The Z-Rock has been entered into a competition with Parenting magazine. If you have a second, could you help us out? Just click on the link:

http://www.parents.com/app/sharemy/photoDetails.jsp?photoId=196501148&fromSearch=

There are 2 things you can do there. Above the picture, you can click on the word 'recommendation' and to the left of that is a set of stars you can click as a rating (we won't stop you from clicking 5). Keep in mind, you can do this for each one of the photos.

Who knows, maybe if she wins and gets in the magazine, we can even drop a plug for Raising Bakersfield!!

Thanks everyone!

The Day After Father's Day

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 08:45:49 PDT

Today is the day after Father's Day. To me this day is sort of like the day after Christmas. The main difference is that instead of tangible gifts I have wonder memories to enjoy. Yesterday was a great day for me. I am a stay-at-home dad so the script is a little flipped. I make breakfast, lunch and dinner, I mop, I scrub toilets and bathtubs, and about the four million other tasks it takes to keep our home in working order. But, not yesterday. My wife really came through and took care of everything for the day. She baked a scrumptious cake for breakfast, read me a love letter she had written me, we went to the Thunder Run motorcycle event at the Fair Grounds, enjoyed Sonic for lunch, she cooked my favorit dish for diner (usually my speciality but after nearly a decade together she has mastered it as well), then she treated me to a special evening of a spa (complete with bath and massage). I have to say to me there is nothing on this Earth better than my beautiful wife showing her love by giving of her own time and energy to craft a day such as that. Other men might like to go golfing, watch sports, hang-out in the garage with their tools. Me, on a day like yesterday, I couldn't image a better way to spend my time than with my son and my wife. Now it is the day after Father's Day, and today I'm not wearing a new tie, new shirt, new slacks, or a new watch; today I'm wearing a huge smile and a warmed heart that I'll proudly wear-out until next Father's Day.

Bunkbed - The Final Chapter

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 08:43:12 PDT

Layton's bunkbed is finished! Sort of, maybe, almost, not really, but as close as it is going to get for now.

Layton loves it. I can see little flaws here and there, but Layton is the final judge and he is thrilled. So am I.

The only thing not in the pictures yet is his complete train set-up on the bottom bunk. We knew he was getting more train stuff for his birthday, so that addition will be made this week!

Six in one, half dozen in the other

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 08:16:28 PDT

Layton turned six on Friday, with the celebration activities happening yesterday at Chuck. E. Cheese, followed by a dip in the little pool with his cousins. Quick note: Chuch E. Cheese is MUCH improved since our last visit. I actually recommend it now for the kids.

It seems like yesterday that we were at Kaiser in Bellflower two weeks earlier than planned and at 1:07 am on June 13th Layton made his entrance. I think about that tiny little bundle that I nicknamed "Bean and Cheese," because I used to wrap him up like a burrito, and I am amazed at the person he has already become. Those thoughts lead to what an amazing person he is still going to turn into.

Happy Birthday, Layton!

Envy?

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 10:04:55 PDT

Keeping up with the Joneses seems like a Bakersfield way of life. Most folks have their home, their cars, their recreational vehicles, campers, big TVs, and all sorts of stuff. I'm not sure where our affinity for more items is supposed to end. I was watching the morning news yesterday and they were talking about how we are supposed to exercise for 30 minutes a day, sleep 8 hours a night, eat a certain amount of fruit and vegetables a day, read more, watch less TV, and such. The way I figure it is that all of the stress from trying to do those things would counteract the benefits from doing it. The way these two thoughts tie together is that I think a lot of our stress in life (apart from that generated by simply being a parent) comes from envy. I wish I had a better education/job/house/car/more time/more vacation/enjoyed whatever more/played sports/had a million dollars/etc/etc/etc. For me, the main goal that I am shooting for is contentment. Let me learn to enjoy what I have or I'll never enjoy what I I'll get. I don't sleep 8 hours a night, I don't exercise 30 minutes every day, I'm not sure that I eat enough fruit or vegetables, read when I can, and I watch enough TV I suppose... and I'm ok with that.

Happy Fathers Day!

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:17:52 PDT

Have a great Fathers day weekend! I'm looking forward to mine. Since I've been a father, my fathers day has consisted of a blockbuster, super hero movie and a day of relaxing with the family. This weekend will be no different.

Hope you enjoy yours!

Bad time to crave tomatoes

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:52:39 PDT

What do BLTs, summer salad and fresh salsa have in common? They all have tomatoes! And unfortunately, due to several salmonella cases in the West, tomatoes are off limits right now.

I am really having a hard time with this. I was planning to make a big batch of my favorite summer salad this weekend, but it just won't be the same without tomatoes. My mouth is watering right now thinking of the juicy fruits, marinated in oil and vinegar, with salt and pepper and oregano and other spices.

I hope this gets cleared up fast. This was my first year NOT planting my own tomatoes at home!

real estate exam results

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:48:40 PDT

My results are not in yet on my real estate exam, but for some reason when I logged onto the dre website I started shaking. I didn't think I was going to be able to type in my name and password. I don't know if that's a good thing or just me being really nervous about getting the results. I want my license already, I'm tired of studying for the test. Now I'm in that hanging around and waiting phase, the results may not be in until Monday.

The Youngest C.S.U.B. Graduate

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 23:05:04 PDT

Yep. She's really smart. Just a few months shy of 4, she's graduated from Cal State.

Well, at least she pretended she did. And we went along with it.

Coping

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 23:00:35 PDT

My daughter is only a couple of months away from turning four. And her little almost 4 year old self is processing losing a friend, the friend she had lunch with on Sunday.

A few days ago, a toddler church friend of hers drowned. Now, I believe in miracles. Jesus said that we would do more than he did. I and all our church have been praying for that "more" in this time of need. Yeah, we want to see life back in this little boy. And so we've remained hopeful. We're not ready to mourn yet. But despite our hope, despite our focus on life and not death, the kiddo has still caught on that something has happened to her little friend.

(Note: The kiddo has an imaginary friend, Eloise.)

As we were strolling in Target today, the kiddo, head hanging low, said,"Eloise is dead."

"Eloise is dead, honey?"

"Yeah." (heavy sigh)

"How does that make you feel?"

"I'm really sad, Mommy," she says.

"I understand. I am, too."

This is her way of coping, of processing what is going on in her life right now. Of course she's not like this all the time. Most of the time she is her happy little self running around like a wild child. But there is no denying that she's been feeling a loss.

I do have to say, though, that she is also feeling God's presence. She ended our tender discourse in Target with "But God cheers me up, Mommy." Yes, honey, yes He does. That is part of who He is - Comforter.

(If anyone has any experience here, please share. Any ideas to help the kiddo share more of her feelings, express more of her thoughts, etc. Overall, I think we do a pretty darn good job as parents, but we always appreciate the input and suggestions of others.)

Keeping it Clean.

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 22:16:04 PDT

When grocery shopping, I'm a planner. I will choose 7 meals with sides, make my shopping list and organize it by which aisle it's on or department it's in. So, the idea is that I have everything we need for the week and at the end of 7 days, I will purchase supplies for 7 new meals. However, schedules get overloaded, unplanned activites pop up and we'll end up eating out. By the middle of the week, I either tend to forget what meals I had planned for, or if I do remember, the produce I needed has gone bad. Many times, when I do cook we'll have leftovers and I have the best intentions when saving those leftovers for later in the week. However, again, playdates, Doctor appointments or parties surprise us at the last minute and we don't get to re-heat our leftovers. Last week I decided it had been way too long since I had cleaned out the refrigerator - check out those pictures and look at how much food I threw out! How wasteful is that?!? It really saddens me to see how trivial we are about throwing away a resource that people in other countries (or our own) barely have access to! So for 2 weeks now, I have cooked every night and used every item that has been purchased at Vons...... And in exchange, my produce drawer has stayed clean :)

Abigail's first dip in the kiddie pool

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 20:14:54 PDT

We took Abby over to her great-aunt's house for a dip in the pool- we couldn't get her out! Her cousin was there, also... I was surprised to learn that she is the same weight as Abigail, and about 10 months older (!). Abby has followed both her percentile curves since birth, and I've never worried about her weight. Now I wonder a bit if her weight gain will taper off, and her height will catch up...

Non-Children Having Friends

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:34:28 PDT

Okay mommies, This blog is coming from the point of view of a non-child having friend. Okay...so I'm getting older and unfortunately my plans of family and children were interrupted by divorce so most, if not all, of my friends have children now. It's great because it's like having children without the financial responsibility. But one thing that often occurs with my girlfriends is weeks will pass and we finally get a hold of one another and I'll say something like..."geez, where ya been, we live so close and never hang out". And they say something like..."well, you know lil' so and so keeps me busy and I've been working...". As we proceed throughout our phone call though my girlfriends will tell me how they had lunch with Jenny and went to the park with Kathy, so on and so forth. I'm thinking to myself well little so and so didn't keep you so busy you couldn't hang out with those friends. I finally asked my close girlfriend, well did you think I wouldn't want to go to lunch with you or walk at the park? And her reply was well you know it's hard to get a baby sitter and I usually hate to anyway because my time with little so and so seems so short before bath time and then bed time. I proceeded to tell my friend and the point of this blog is that, although there be some women that don't have children that don't want to hang out unless you have a babysitter and can have one-on-one adult time, be careful not to cut off your friends without children just because you think they won't want to hang out with you and little so and so. Adult girl time is great once and awhile, but your little so and so is not a burden to a true friend, but rather a joy...an addition to the friendship.

The potty training continues

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:03:18 PDT

At this point in the day we have accomplished #2 in the potty and #1 in the living room floor twice and outside on the deck once. We've tried the salty and sugary foods all day, kool-aid to drink (he hasn't even finished one 12 oz cup yet), and so far all I can say is I've probably gained at least 5 pounds eating all the salty & sugary foods, and my tush is sore from sitting on the side of the bathtub reading books while he sits on his cushioned potty ring. I think I have the short end of the stick here!!! But when the timer goes off he turns it off and goes into the bathroom without being told, so maybe that's a plus. My mom used the timer on Cole to potty train him when he was at her house, I didn't use it at home since I didn't have a timer at the time. The new timer keeps beeping for about 2 minutes then shuts off automatically. Oh well, only 6 more hours til bedtime, I think I'll make it through the day and hopefully make some progress this afternoon, since neither of the boys seem to be taking a nap today (gee I wonder if all the sugar is why!!), we can still work on it every 30 minutes.

alt-kids music......

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 10:16:54 PDT

hello everyone.... are you looking for an alternative to the kids music that is made by purple dinosaurs or wiggly guys from australia (not that there is anything wrong with either) ... here are a couple of really good resources for alt-kids music that you may find useful... all three of these folks blog sites have music shows that change weekly and include songs that cross age and genre bases (does that make sense?), don't just rely on the same kids songs that the television has deemed for us as being kid-worthy (although i find "jacks big music show" guests really good)...and... (semi-shameless plug alert)... they all three play "mr.oscat" on occasion....

gooney bird kids - http://gooneybirdkids.blogspot.com/

the saturday morning cereal bowl - http://smcb.blogspot.com/

spare the rock, spoil the child - www.sparetherock.com

please enjoy - (and tell 'em mr.oscat sent you....)

and, so now..... what music do you and your kids listen to??????

Shaken.

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 22:49:53 PDT

It's a good thing my husband married me and not someone else.. that would maybe freak out and lose all sense of reality during an emergency. Whenever my children are in major distress I play the role of the calm Mommy. When our then 2 1/2 year old had a severe allergic reaction and started to go into anaphylactic shock (while I was 38 weeks pregnant) I did what any mom would do I guess - Calmy assigned someone to call 911, let the paramedics do their job, and once he was loaded into the ambulance, I could cry.. really cry! When one of our kids has a bleeding appendage, or what looks to be a broken bone, my husband is usually screaming about how bad it is, while I'm trying to just "fix" it. I do what needs to be done, then the moment someone else is able to take over I pretty much lose it emotionally. My husband on the other hand will freak out from the get go. Tonight, even though Daddy wasn't here to help remind me why I need to keep my cool, I was able to do it anyway. We were eating our dinner peacefully, when my 9 month old started gagging and choking on a piece of bread I had given him. Normally, I'm able to just take a look at him, and by the time the noise has gotten my attention, the choking has subsided. Unfortunately this incident was different. The gagging and choking started.. and didn't stop - right away anyway. I stuck my fingers in his mouth (BIG no-no) to no avail. Finally, I lifted him out of his high chair and performed what I call the "Baby Heimlich" - laid him across the length of my forearm and started giving him swift blows in an upward motion on his back. If this had gone on much longer at all, I would have had my five year old dialing 911 for assistance. After what felt like forever, the bread eventually dislodged, along with everything he had eaten before. Then the paranoia set in. I was absolutely shaken. Shaking physically, emotionally, mentally. It's so funny the coping mechanisms we're given as moms (and dad's too!). I didn't feel one bit of terror during the ordeal, but the exact moment that I knew everything was going to be alright, I could let my guard down and let myself "feel" again.

The Blue Can

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 22:03:43 PDT

We have a blue curbside recycling can. I think there is one other person on our street with one. We've had it for over a year, and we love it! With kids you generate so much more waste (think birthdays and Christmas), and when we got the blue can we noticed right away the big difference it made in the amount of trash that went out every week. We have had times when the blue can is overflowing, but I can't even think of the last time our brown can was even close to full :). And talk about convenient! We used to load up the car every week or so with recyclables, and drive to one of those neighborhood drop-off places. But it wasn't very convenient, and we ended up throwing some recyclable stuff away when the box we stored it in was full. But now, we can save ALL of our recyclable stuff. My only complaint is that the only plastics they want are #1 and #2. I wish they would take it all, and maybe they will eventually.

I love the blue can.

Does that mean I'm famous?

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:07:21 PDT

I see my name is featured with a couple others on the front page as one of the 'dad bloggers.' Sooooo, I guess I'm pretty famous now.

I'm a little scatter-brained today, so rather than a coherent post that goes somewhere, here is a mess of thoughts that have recently been in my head:

I like that there are free movies at the ampitheater at the park at riverwalk
I'm excited for the upcoming rock show called 'Level 6' that I will be starting on 88.3
On this day (June 11) in 1976, Wild Cherry released the song 'Play That Funky Music'
Taking your dad to see The Incredible Hulk is a GREAT fathers day idea
Today I recieved a box of some great, underground hip-hop. It was like Christmas
tacos
That last one was the only one in the list not capitolized
Life is good

There, got that out of my system. Thanks.

Overdue!

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 08:57:26 PDT

Overdue. It's never a good word. We have to pay fees for overdue books, videos, bills, etc... We don't like overdue apologies. We lose friends when our phone calls and visits become long overdue. With pregnancy, the word overdue is just as bad.

I shouldn't be complaining about this overdue baby I have inside of me. I've been fortunate to have a healthy pregnancy. I'm also fortunate enough to have two healthy children. The first was born 5 weeks early and the second was born 2 weeks early. That is why this overdue baby is driving me crazy!

I knew he was going to be born early because my other two had come early. We've had the room ready, the bags packed, the cupboards stocked, and our hearts ready for a month now. My husband took the first 3 weeks of June off, so he could be home with the baby. With this baby we were going to be READY! It's our third baby and we were going to be pros, but life doesn't always cooperate! Now we're going to be lucky if my husband is home a week. Our cupboards need to be restocked and I'll be lucky if the clothes I packed in my hospital bag still fit! One thing hasn't changed, our hearts are still ready to meet our new little boy. When God is willing, we'll be thrilled to welcome this overdue baby to the world!

First Thoughts

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 06:44:24 PDT

Life as a parent is a little different than I expected. People seem to have a wealth of advice. Some tell you how wonderful being a parent is. The blather on about how much more quality has been added, how they love being a parent, and how they would never go back if given the chance. Others will share the misery of their experiences. They'll give warnings and cautionary tales about the downfall of their existence and landing in the abysmal pit of parenthood. I have found a road somewhere between the two. As a stay-at-home father I can definitely affirm that some days are spent envying the fate of Sisyphus seeming somehow less repetitive, while others have elation filled moments followed by the realization of Icarus and ensuing plummet. I'd also have to affirm that on other days life is a feast of Bacchus, being a grand party and more enjoyable than I thought possible. Most of the time however the days meet some cordial balance Good nodding to Bad while passing on a busy street, exchanging glances only for the scantest of moments. Despite all of the advice I received I'd still have to say I never expected it to be like this, yet I wouldn't really want it to be different.

Thats not my Princess

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 23:31:45 PDT

I went to the store today got a cart and started to shop when my little one blurps out sissy while pointing to a bunch of people shopping I could not help it but laugh. I have two younger brothers 11 & 8 and guess what they love to teach Madison all kinds of fun stuff. We will be driving and the next thing i know both boys are calling each other sissy and Maddie's pointing her little finger at one of them saying it to. I can remember when the boys were little that was a no no for them it was no playing in the car. Its funny to see how different things are in such a short time.

A Goose Egg

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 20:45:24 PDT

I'm venting here, because I was very frustrated this evening.

You know what I really hate???? I HATE when I tell my kids repeatedly not to do something annoying/dangerous/crazy because they are going to get hurt or hurt someone else... and they do it anyway!

Today my son and daughter were walking through the house with random items covering their faces. (a hat, their t-shirts, towels, etc.) Me, being the nagging mother that I am, kept reminding them to not do it, because somebody was going to get hurt. Did they listen? NOOOOOOOOOO.

Out of all the things my clutz of a daughter could walk into, it was the square corner of a wooden bookshelf. Then came the blood curdling screams and me envisioning what I was going to find when I walked in to examine the injury. It was ugly, but it could have been so much worse!

The Swim Lesson

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 16:41:29 PDT

Yesterday was day one of swim lessons. The first day of the first session, no less. I arrived early, the previous class was running late, and there wasn't enough chairs or shade for two groups of parents during the class change. When I finally found myself sitting in the shade of a barely moving palm tree in 99 degree weather, something occurred to me.

These days would not last forever. Yeah, one mother picked up my son's shirt and threw it on the ground so she could have his chair, and another mother parked so ridiculously close to me that I had to wait for her to back up in the blazing sun just so I could get into my own car, but I felt a sense of pride in the process.

I was doing what every parent inevitably finds themselves doing, I was trying to give my son a leg up in the world. A class for this, a class for that, running here, running there. And sitting there with all the other parents made me feel more normal than I ever have. It makes me so aware of our club, our parenting club. We don't all know each other, many times we don't like each other, but we all have one thing in common...we all want to be there for our kids. It's a great thing.

And one day, our children will be grown and we'll be shielded from those busy sport games or lessons and all the parent driven mishaps that accompany each; we'll not be subjected to lessons in the scorching heat. But, I have a feeling I'll miss it. I'll miss that journey in clamoring with strangers for the best seat possible to watch our kids grow.

Free Foster Parent Orientation

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 15:39:40 PDT

Become a foster parent and receive priceless appreciation and financial support of $624-$790 a Month. The first step is to attend an orientation offered every Wednesday evening from 6:00pm-7:00pm. Please call 633-1700 to reserve a seat.

Foster Family Care Network

Flashback to Childhood Summers

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:43:47 PDT

Remember when you were a kid and you ran around barefoot and the hot sidewalk would burn your feet? Well, nothing has changed. Today, as the ice cream man was coming down our street, I told the girls to go in and get their shoes on before going out to the truck, but didn't take my own advice. I ran across the black asphalt of the street and nearly lost a layer of skin from the bottom of my feet. Apparently my sense memory had forgotten after 30 years what it's like to do that. I don't recommend it. The ice cream man took mercy on me and threw down a piece of cardboard for me to stand on. Still, he must have gotten a good laugh at the crazy Mom dumb enough to cross a street barefoot during a Bakersfield summer. And of course my girls and their friend got a chuckle out of watching me run for my life, or at least, the life of my feet!

Bunkbed - Part 2

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 07:53:21 PDT

So I ended up doing more yesterday after I thought I was calling it quits. Still a ways to go, but the guard rail is up and Layton actually slept up on top last night. The "loft" is up, but still needs its guard rail. Layton immediately climbed under the loft and said, "Dad, how did you know I wanted a hide-out?" The answer was easy. I was six once, too. Now, I'm off to the beach until friday, but then I will have to finish the bottom bunk, which will actually be a train table until we have another child that needs to sleep there. I'll need to finish some rails and the second ladder, but so far it almost looks like I know what I am doing. I'll just play along with the illusion...

Talking dadblogging on NPR today

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 05:57:30 PDT

From the shameless plug department:

In advance of Father's Day, I'm on a roundtable of dadbloggers on NPR's Tell Me More with Michel Martin today, Tuesday, June 10--and I'm happy to report I even got a plug in for our amazing local parenting community here on RaisingBakersfield.

Click through to the show's website for the streaming audio of the program—it should be up around 9 a.m., and archived thereafter.

UPDATE: Here's a direct link to the segment.

Not Ready for an Empty Nest

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 23:09:01 PDT

Let me preface this blog by saying there are all kinds of parenting styles, just like there are all kinds of personalities, and everyone has a style that works best for them. That being said, my style is, apparently, attachment parenting. I didn't know that was what my style was called, until my oldest daughter was about 2 and I was reading about weaning and there was a link in the article on that word, so I clicked on it and read the definition. Basically, it's parents who wear (in a sling) or carry their kids a lot, co-sleep, and often times breast feed longer than the average bear.

So, fast forward 8 years and I am still having separation issues. Yes, me, not my daughter. She is happy and well-adjusted and even made the jump from home schooling to public school this year with no fuss and loads of success. I'm the one who can't sleep nights worrying about possible scenarios she may encounter without me in her shadow. And as if sending her off to school wasn't bad enough, I now have to send her to her Dad's house once a week. Once a week, not bad odds, considering there are 6 other nights she and her sister spend with me. But oh that one night! Don't get me wrong, they love going and it's important to me that they have a relationship with their Dad. But must they sleep there too?

Sure, I enjoy the break for the first few hours. Catch up on housework, run an errand without the help of children, maybe even read a book! But it's bedtime that gets me. No matter how late I stay up and how long I avoid going to bed, I always have a hard time getting to sleep. It is too eerily quiet. And my bed is just too empty. Yes, it's true, my 3 year old still sleeps with me. In the interest of fairness, her sister slept with me til she was almost 4, so...

Anyway, I have adapted, as much as I can, to my prematurely empty nest, and it is only temporary, for now, at least. But I can see myself in 10 years when my oldest heads off to college. Can I come with you, I'll ask. Mom, she'll most likely say, PUHLEASE! Give me some SPACE! And that's all well and good. It's healthy for them to spread their little wings and jump ship at some point. I just hate all these little departures, when I am trying so desparately to soak up every moment with them while I can. I hear that a lot more kids are moving back home after they graduate college these days. I am secretly hoping the trend continues. But more than likely my girls will be saying to me, "No Mom, you can't live with us. Go, be an adult." But that is so over rated!

IF I Ever Have Children

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 21:53:33 PDT

I was perusing on Youtube and stumbled across a video regarding random acts of kindness. The gentleman, in monologue form, went on for over seven minutes about making the world a better place though one small kind act after another.

In the middle of his lamenting over all the tragedy prevalent in the world today, he said something that struck me to the core like little has recently. He said, and I quote, "What can we do about it? What can we do to make this world a better place? I kind of feel helpless. I kind of feel like I can only do so much. If I ever have children, I can raise them a certain way...."

But, I, I do have children. It took this man on YouTube to remind me the obligation within my hands, within my voice, within my actions. If I ever have children.... This man was quite astute in concluding that the power to make the world a better place is truly one child at a time.

To teach our sons to respect women. From holding the door open for them, to never pressuring them into physical acts. To teach our daughters to respect themselves. From having a mind of their own, to accepting they are beautiful just as God made them. To show our children that lying is lying from saying they're younger than they are at the buffet, to missing curfew. To instill in our children that everyone is loved and precious because God loves them all and finds each precious.

What a power, don't you see? What a tremendous privilege. If one man thinks he can change the world if he ever has children, what are we parents waiting for?

My Praying Daughter

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 19:05:10 PDT

I was sitting alone in the living room watching some TV late at night. My husband was already sleeping (which NEVER happens) and my kids were in bed. My daughter is a night owl and was up as usual reading stories to her dolls and reading books. All of a sudden, I hear Holly praying to Jesus! She was asking him to help her feet and legs feel better because they were hurting her. Then she said that she wished that all the other little girls would not have their feet and legs hurt them either. I almost burst into tears!

As I was sharing this with my husband today, we were talking about how we hope to raise up our children in the right way and we hope that they learn. Hearing Holly pray last night was such a blessing to my heart. I know that we are doing something right. She knows that when she has something that troubles her, she goes straight to Jesus to pray. How awesome!

A Fun Party Idea

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:44:52 PDT

Here's a little tip for those of you who don't know about this.

This last weekend my little sis graduated from college, and to celebrate we had a big party Saturday night. To add a little "somethin' " to the party, we called Fantasy Frocks for a singing telegram. And although the telegram didn't include any singing, the ten-plus-minutes of a personalized telegram skit was top notch. Everyone laughed, the graduate felt extra special, and we made a wonderful memory. This was so much more than someone singing a generic song and delivering a balloon bouquet. Fantasy Frocks makes sure each performance is unique.

Two thumbs up for Fantasy Frocks!!!

A Father's Day Tribute

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:50:57 PDT

The Evidence of Love – A Father’s Day Tribute

Just because I'm married to him, it doesn't mean I naturally default in my opinion that he is the greatest father. No, each father, like each mother, needs to earn that title. My husband has. My children have a great father.

One of the reasons I knew I wanted to marry him was how he interacted with children. The first time he met my family, a Thanksgiving dinner many moons ago, not ten minutes had passed before I found him wrestling with my young nephews on the living room floor. Through all the hooting and hollering, the choke holds, the tiny fingers clawing the carpet to get free from the big brute, I knew that was the man I wanted to be the father of my children.

Two sons later, I feel no different. And though I wanted daughters, Charles' wrestling moves make me realize why he needed sons. I can't think of a happier boy in the world than the sons of Charles Ijames.

A daddy who comes straight home each night and attends to his business in the same order since our first child was born. Namely, giving mommy a kiss, putting down what's in his hands, and immediately engaging in play with the boys and the dogs.

It's no wonder that the ten to twenty minutes after the end of his workday, even the dogs know that when the phone rings, it means daddy is pulling into the driveway. No one bothers to answer the phone. Those interested in roughhousing run to the door and anxiously await the tiny, tiny, click of daddy's car being put into park; the moment when they can open the door and run into the garage.

My only involvement with any creature, either two or four legged, from that point on is saying any one of my token exclamations such as: Keep it down!; Please, my ears!; and No, not on the wood floors!

But, they're having fun. The paint chipping on the walls, the tears in the furniture, the broken wall sculpture in the hall that no one will fess up to, and my precious, precious wood floors with all its divots and scratches can testify to such. I can't help but think it's worth it. Not all the time, mind you, because I do appreciate a fine looking house. But, in the grander scheme of things, yes, it's worth it.

For, one day, when my boys are grown and their father needs a cane to get out of his recliner, (on account of the weak knees, you see, from the natural course of twenty plus years of doing nothing in moderation with his sons), I will take comfort when my grandchildren are wrecking their mother's house playing with their fathers, my sons. It will mean my boys love their children as much as their daddy loved them.

Oh, I nearly forgot. How silly of me to leave this to the end. It is, by far, the most important thing that makes my husband the best father. He loves me. He loves me unconditionally. He thinks its cute when I snore, that I look beautiful without make-up, and am a great mother even when I hide in my room during a temper tantrum. He says these things to me in front of my sons. He treats me like a lady, admires me for being a woman, and loves me as his wife. All in front of his children. There is no greater gift for a father to give to his children, is there? Happy Father's Day, Dear, you've earned it.

Bunkbed - Part One

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 12:14:21 PDT

Here is what we have so far. The top bunk is done except for the guard rail. I'll put that on tonight and Layton can sleep in what we've made so far. That's it for today. I have an admitted short attention span. My inexperience has only brought about one mistake, and it was really insignificant and very fixable. I'm super pleased so far. I got up there and flopped my 192 lbs on there and it didn't budge. Didn't even creak. So I am confident it will hold Layton as long as he lives here. Unless he still lives here when he's 30, then I will sabatoge the whole set-up.

Dance Recital

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 08:28:19 PDT

I had the official dance recital on Saturday and it went awesome! My parents both said it was probably the best one they had been too, and I felt like I did good. No major mistakes, and every dance went pretty well, so I was happy with myself. I can't wait until the DVD comes out so I can actually see how well or bad it went, haha.

But I'm pretty proud; this first year of dance, or HipHop, at the studio definitely has left an impact and a great impression. I couldn't have invested more fun or time into somewhere or something else. Once apart of the family like dance studio, they welcome you with open arms, and make you feel so much a part of the 'dancing family' it's awesome. Definitely looking forward to next year, even though I have to sit the first month out (due to that wonderful surgery here in a couple of weeks.)

If any of you parents have kids that are interested in dance, let me know! This place is REALLY great to get them involved, and they will be treated and taught with great interest. Expenses aren't at all bad, one class runs around $40 a month, and that class usually meets up about 4 or more times a month (usually once a week, but sometimes maybe an extra practice.) Let me know, it's great place for them to grow up, learn some dance moves, and endure into a part of a great community!

Baby Gates. LOL!

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 08:25:47 PDT

I put up a baby gate for the first time in a long time today. We had one up for a while when the boy was younger, but it ripped holes in the drywall and wouldn't stay up anymore after he kept climbing on it. Anyway, I'm going to give it another try. I got tired of my husband letting the kids into the office while he's balancing the checkbook, and them subsequently making a mess of the room. Plus, it's not childproofed, and there are dangerous things in there that they just need to stay away from.

So, I put up a baby gate in the doorway to the office today. LOL! The first thing they did was try to open it. When that didn't happen immediately, they started climbing up it. Still no luck getting in, so now they're taking toys and balls and dropping them into the office and then whining that they want them back. It is a little frustrating, but it's hilarious at the same time. I was kinda hoping to keep the airflow of the house going through the office, too, but I guess I'll have to just keep that door shut when no one's in there anyway, even with the gate on it. The kids are just too interested in the workings of the gate and trying to figure out how to get in there to keep the door open when no one's in there.

To My Youngest Child

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 11:47:05 PDT

The camera is ready. Ready to capture you over and over again. From your smiles to that way when you furrow your brow because something has definitely captured your attention. You are only three months old, but I know your older brother has had three times as many pictures taken as you have.

I said I would never be one of those parents. What you are soon to find out about me, is that you can easily call me an "Even Steven." This is why the camera is always ready. Something in me triggers this sense of injustice if I do not give you the exact same things your brother had. What can I say? I'm a middle child. Bring it up with Gammie.

Remember the time I fell asleep feeding you those first few weeks? It was because mommy had stayed up late one night when I should have been sleeping, just so I did not have to endure one more day without an even number of pictures hung around the house of the both of you. Three of your brother, three of you. It could not be any other way. So, the camera is always ready. But why are there still fewer pictures of you? Because you are my last baby.

Something occurred to me today, when I was holding you and I was singing and you were smiling. If I reached over for that camera, I would have broken the moment. You would no longer be staring at mommy's face. You would be staring at a gray box placed in front of mommy's face. I guess this is why I rarely capture you on film with that gorgeous smile.

You do not want to look at the camera, you want to look at your mommy. I can not miss these opportunities. But, they are in my mind. Yes, they are there. I want them there so badly, to enjoy and savor every moment; even though the camera is always ready, I dare not pick it up. I want to see you through my eyes, not the camera's. You are the last chance I get to store direct contact, direct memories, of a gift so preciously given over to me.

Thus, one of these days if you have inherited mommy's unrelenting, meticulous, and obsessive fairness gene, (and poor daddy if that happens), and you ask why there are more pictures of your brother than of you, this is my explanation for it. I feel a need to offer it to you. It would only be fair that way.

Does anyone have the number for Handy Manny?

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 10:30:03 PDT

I'm taking the plunge into father/son carpentry, building a really cool bunkbed/loft for my son for his 6th birthday. I don't build things. Never have. Not since my pinewood derby car in kindergarten (2nd place, thank you very much). My brother is a professional carpenter. So is my father-in-law. But for the purposes of bonding, Layton and I have designed the bed, bought the lumber and hardware, and we are ready to tackle the job all by our inexperienced selves.

It's a pretty sweet bed, as I've drawn it up. Yet to be determined is if it actually turns out that way. It goes the entire width of his room (about 12 feet), with the top left being his bed, under that a train table that can convert into a second bed later. On the right, about 4 feet up is a little sitting/homework loft area and under that, a cool little hideout/toy area.

we shall see.

wish me luck (and no smashed fingers, mine or his!)

Progress pictures to come!

I have good intentions.

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 22:25:47 PDT

Really, I do. I have all of these plans to organize my life, to get rid of the clutter, to make my house efficient. But life keeps getting in the way. That pile of stuff multiplies, and even though I go through that pile and make it smaller from time to time, it never does seem to go away. And that book that I picked up at the bookstore looks so much more tempting while the kids are napping than cleaning off my desk.

I have good intentions. I think in my head about all of the nice organizational items I am going to go buy, and then fill up and place in their designated areas. But then I think of how we should buy the kids new shoes first, or save up for our vacation coming up next month.

I save all of the neat little souvenirs and papers from life that would be so cute in the kids' scrapbooks, but have yet to actually crack open the scrapbooks and put them in there. I've put together ONE whole page, and that was before my son was born! So much stuff is just sitting in a pile, but I'm finally starting to plan a way to organize it all until I get around to putting it into scrapbooks.

The stuff that we don't need/use/want anymore I just can't seem to throw out. I can't decide if we should save it for that hypothetical yard sale, try selling the best stuff on eBay, or just bag it all up for Goodwill and be done with it.

One of these days I'll just do it. I'll get sick of the mess and the clutter, and really go to town. :) When/if that ever happens, I'll be sure to take pictures. Maybe I'll scrapbook about it!

Weight Loss - Week #1

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 17:25:33 PDT

I didn't do as well as I thought I would have, seeing as this is my first week back on Weight Watchers in quite a few months. I did some great things, and some not so great things. For example, I made 4 new low point meals for dinner that I found on the Weight Watchers website, but they tasted so good that I ate entirely too much of them. I stayed on program somedays, and other days felt completely off. In spite of my mistakes, I am 4.2 pounds lighter this week :) I would love to celebrate by ordering pizza tonight but that would be self-defeating. So we're having garlic chicken with brown rice and broccoli. Update again in about 7 days!!

Mom's book study

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 16:21:36 PDT

Hey- some mom's in town are going to do a book study together. We set up a network on ning. This way those who couldn't meet weekly could still discuss the book! We are now in the process of chosing a book and meeting time. Be part of the action!

It has begun...

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 15:49:35 PDT

Abigail started crawling the a few days ago, just shy of her 10 month mark... I'm both delighted and scared- she's into *everything*. She's gained confidence in her ability, and has started crawling after people, and the cats (which they are not happy about) suprisingly quickly. She's also learning how to pull herself up on her crib railing- I walked in the other day to check on her, and was startled to see her head over the rails, looking back at me, just as startled. We just dropped the mattress, and I suppose we need to drop it all the way to the last mark.

When it's quiet, and she's napping, I can't help but think about how much she's changed in such a relatively short time span. It's both joyious and sad; I'm glad she's hitting her milestones, and is a healthy, curious little girl, but her independent personality is coming through, and I worry that her days of wanting to be held and cuddled are coming to a close.

Geting the kids involved

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 09:28:20 PDT

I know how important it is for your child to get active not just by burning some of that never ending energy but to socalize and learn how to get along with other kids there own age. I have been very lucky with taking madison out to events and trying to keep her busy she has come out of her shell alot. Madison is still shy at times as can all kids but has show progress in opening up to others.

Free Consultation

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 09:10:59 PDT

Wallflowers offers custom handpainted murals by Artist Michelle Stone for your Home, Office, Retail Space, or school. Please visit their website to view their portfolio or call 589-5366 for more information.

Wallflowers

Free Mat or Dumbells with Sign Up

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 08:59:26 PDT

Free Exercise Mat or 2 Dumbells with Sign up! Adventure Boot Camp is a 4 week outdoor program offering fitness instruction, nutritional counseling & motivational training. Visit our website or call 378-8602 to sign up.

Bakersfield Adventure Bootcamp