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Reprinted from my journal, Wednesday, September 13, 2006: I have a son. My 19-month-old foster son's parents showed up to court two hours late yesterday. It was a hearing on terminating parental rights. Their public defenders advised them that they had a weak case and would probably lose. If that happened, the judge would surely order a closed adoption. If they signed over their son voluntarily, though, there was a chance to continue contact, because I had previously said I was OK with that, under certain conditions. So, reluctantly, they signed. I've been through this once before, with my 4-year-old daughter. My elation at impending motherhood is always tempered on such occasions. Unlike the biological mother who can jump for joy upon seeing that plus sign on the pregnancy test, the foster-to-adopt mother knows that at the end of the day, her gain is someone else's horribly tragic loss. My foster son is only mine because two drug addicts tried their hardest to get their lives...

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