Tweens: Raising Bakersfield

Girl celebrates bat mitzvah: 'My soul is now complete'

Ariella Goldstein loves Passover. It’s a time for her, her twin brother Roy, their parents and other family members to get together, celebrate and “talk about stuff.”

And she already knows how the conversation is likely to go this year: “I think everyone’s going to be talking about my bat mitzvah,” the 12-year-old student of Christa McAuliffe Elementary School said.

Like her mother, Ariella chose to follow the Israeli tradition of celebrating becoming “someone who is responsible for doing good deeds” at age 12, not 13, like some girls in America — and Jewish boys everywhere — do.

“My soul is now complete because I turned 12,” Ariella said.

Dorit Goldstein, born in Israel, is raising her children biculturally and bilingually, in Hebrew and English.

She said that, like girls in Israel, Ariella chose not to read from the Torah at her synagogue and to celebrate her bat mitzvah at home.

“In Israel girls don’t read out of the Torah because it’s sort of a boys’ thing,” Ariella said. “I decided not to read out of the Torah but just make a nice speech.”

“And it’s OK,” her mother said. “The whole thing is not about the party — it’s about becoming a different person.”

'A FULL MEMBER'

Ariella’s rabbi, Paul Gordon, of the conservative Congregation B’nai Jacob, said girls reach the age of majority earlier under Jewish law: at 12 plus one day, whereas boys reach it at 13 plus one day.

“They are counted as a full member of the community. They’re responsible for their own actions.” But although they begin to be treated more like adults, it doesn’t mean that they can get married yet, Gordon said.

Rites of passage and milestones were themes Ariella explored in the speech she wrote and delivered to friends and loved ones at her southwest Bakersfield home last Saturday.

“Becoming a Bat Mitzvah is a very important stage in a girl’s life,” Ariella wrote. “Women receive their godly soul in different parts of their lives. First, we receive a third of our soul when we are born. We receive the next third of our soul when we are given our Jewish name. The final third is received when we reach the age of 12. It is at that age when we assume the responsibilities of a woman.

“God has now given me the ability to deal with my responsibilities and the willpower to overcome my daily struggles,” she said. “I can no longer blame my parents when things go wrong and I have to learn to say that it was my fault. Also, I have to be held accountable for my actions.”

A PROUD AND GRATEFUL MOM

“Every Passover is special because we get to celebrate our freedom,” Dorit Goldstein said about the weeklong holiday, which begins Saturday at sundown in remembrance of God’s liberation of the Israelites from slavery.

According to the second book of the Bible, the Jews were instructed to sacrifice a lamb and mark the doors of their houses with its blood so they could be spared the judgment God was about to bring upon their captors.

“Now the blood shall be a sign for you on the houses where you are. And when I see the blood, I will pass over you: and the plague shall not be on you to destroy you when I strike the land of Egypt,” the account says in Exodus 12:13.

This year, the celebration of freedom will be extra special for Dorit Goldstein because it will be Ariella’s first as a woman — spiritually.

“She’s still a kid, she’s always going to be my little girl. But it’s really different. It’s a girl that’s really growing.”

MIRACLE TWINS

Dorit and her husband, David Goldstein, who is originally from New York, had wanted to have children for a long time but couldn’t.

Then they tried in-vitro fertilization, which is how their twins were conceived. They were born in Inglewood, N.J., Dorit Goldstein said.

“On their announcement card we put, ‘Our miracle twins,’” she said. “They are miracles to us.”

The family moved to Bakersfield six years ago.

Rabbi Gordon said of them: “They’re active members of the synagogue who are kind, caring and loving, and give of themselves freely.”

Ariella said she and Roy share a special sixth-sense type of connection.

“Me and my brother,” she said excitedly, “my dad will ask us a question and we’ll both yell out the same answer.”

In last Saturday’s speech, Ariella had some special words for her brother: “You are always there cheering me on, and are always there for me whenever I get hurt. I love playing and spending time with you because you are the definition of fun.”

When asked if Roy was envious because he has to wait a year to have his bar mitzvah, she said not really — well, maybe just a little.

Either way, he’s probably really busy preparing for it already.

“As soon as we’re done with her bat mitzvah, he’s going to start learning his portion of the Torah,” their mother said last week.

For the celebration of his becoming “someone who is responsible for doing good deeds,” his mother, an artisan, plans to make a Jewish prayer shawl called a tallit, which is customary for boys to wear, she said.

And if Roy is anything like his twin, he’s sure to embrace his new responsibilities as a spiritual man at 13 wholeheartedly.

“We say Kaddish (a special prayer) every Friday night before dinner and light the Shabbat candles,” Ariella said last week. “I’ve made a commitment that I’m going to light the Shabbat candles every Friday night” now that her soul is complete.

“As my last twelve years have zoomed by, I can see how much I have changed,” she said at the end of her speech. “And I am still changing. But becoming a Bat Mitzvah now means that I am a woman and that I alone am responsible for my actions. I’ve got more mistakes to make and more things to learn so the best advice I can give myself is to never give up and to keep trying every day.”

Photos:

Photo by CoCo Walters / The Californian

The Goldsteins belong to Congregation B'Nai Jacob in Bakersfield. They recently celebrated the coming of age of their daughter Ariella, 12, and next year, when her twin brother turns 13, they will celebrate his bar mitzvah.

Photo by CoCo Walters / The Californian

Ariella and some friends look at what invited guests wrote on a picture frame at the entrance of her home.

Photo by CoCo Walters / The Californian

Dorit and David Goldstein light a candle together in honor of their daughter Ariella, who at age 12 gets to celebrate her bat mitzvah, which means "daughter of the commandment." Ariella's twin brother Roy (far left) will celebrate his bar mitzvah when he turns 13.

Photo by CoCo Walters / The Californian

Ariella Goldstein, 12 is reading some of her own words and some important poems and blessings before the family and friends present at the bat mitzvah held for her in her home in Bakersfield.

Originally posted at http://www.bakersfield.com/138/story/418363.html on Tuesday, April 15, 2008.

It's Not Easy Being Tween

Jenna Papasergia likes to wear clothes by Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch.

A generation ago, such brand consciousness in an 11-year-old would've been amazing. But these days, middle school hallways overflow with children dressing and acting like hip teenagers -- with all the dangers that go with it.

"I think the girls are facing issues like body image earlier than they used to," said Stacy Papasergia, Jenna's mom. "My daughter tells me there's a girl in her class who sticks her finger down her throat if she eats too much."

This is the wobbly world of tweens, those 8- to 13-year-olds whom experts say are maturing faster than ever before.

Some are hosting parties that include beer and lewd acts. They listen to music, log on to Internet blogs and watch movies sprinkled with sexual references.

Eating disorders are occurring in 10-year-olds. Many as early as third grade are thinking not about schoolwork and coloring books but how to be popular with the opposite sex.

"Whatever happened in high school one generation ago is now happening in middle school," said Sylvia Rimm, a child psychologist in Cleveland and author of the best-selling book "Growing Up Too Fast."

Kids without boundaries

One of the things happening in middle school is dating. Kempton Coman, principal at Emerson Middle School, said it seems that every female student is out to find a boyfriend.

"A seventh-grade girl came in my office the other day upset because her boyfriend accused her of cheating," Coman said.

Experts blame the media, marketers and ingratiating parents for turning the Eden-like innocence of middle adolescence into the thorn and thistle of teen experience.

Amanda Madkins, a sixth-grade teacher at Mount Vernon Elementary, meets with many parents of disruptive students. She's come to believe that indulgent parents create wild tweens.

A few years ago Madkins met with the parents of a disorderly girl, who wore makeup and had several boyfriends over the school year.

At her huge birthday bash, the sixth-grader took a boy behind closed doors and "had her way with him," students told Madkins.

Madkins' impression was that the couple felt they were being good parents by letting their daughter do almost anything she wanted.

Rimm said this is typical. "Parents are overpowering their kids," she said, "giving them too many choices.

"They don't see what kids without boundaries are like in high school," Rimm said.

Marketing to tweens

Since the 1980s, tweens' desire to appear grown-up has been exploited by advertisers selling clothes, jewelry, makeup, dolls (such as Bratz), shoes and other items, experts say. Tweens who ignore these products won't be popular, advertisements suggest.

Alea Scanlan, a 12-year-old student at St. Francis (Catholic) School, has felt the pressure. "All my friends," she said, "say I should shop at Hollister," a clothing store.

At the same time, young entertainers send the message to tweens that sexiness is cool.

Jamie Robinson, who is 10, takes her fashion cues from teen singers and celebrities, such as Hilary Duff, Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus.

Cyrus is a 14-year-old who plays a tween on the Disney Channel's sitcom "Hannah Montana," in which her character dons a blonde wig, short skirt and black leggings to moonlight as a pop singer.

"I like Hannah's necklaces and scarves and dark sunglasses," said Jamie, who wears such attire at home and at parties with girlfriends.

"Dressing up is better than dolls," Jamie said. "It seems like more fun to accessorize."

Bakersfield mom Michelle Robinson said clothes shopping for Jamie is difficult. "Manufacturers make a lot of clothes for them that would be more appropriate for teenage girls," Robinson said. "It's hard to find clothing that makes them look little girlish. And when you find it, they won't wear it."

Papasergia sets strict guidelines on what Jenna can wear. Recently Jenna's been lobbying for a two-piece bathing suit. But her mother won't allow it, even though a majority of tween swimsuit styles are two-piece.

"Bathing suits are absolutely hard to shop for," Papasergia said.

Sexualized teens

Tween boys have not escaped the new pangs of adolescence. In a study for her book, Rimm found that 14.5 percent of third-grade children (about age 8) were angst-ridden about not being popular with the opposite sex. That figure increased to 36 percent by eighth grade.

"And more boys were worried about popularity than girls, which surprised me," Rimm said.

Boys interviewed for this story didn't fit that mold.

"Me and my friends aren't into (being popular)," said 8-year-old Javyn Madkins. "But one person (at school) is trying to be popular by playing football."

Girlfriends? "That's nasty," Javyn said. "We're too young."

Rimm's study, based on more than 5,400 interviews with 8- to 12-year-olds in 18 states, revealed that some tweens perform sex acts they see in movies, have oral-sex parties, experiment with drugs, are obsessed with body image, and drink beer and mixed drinks.

"It's a small percentage, maybe 10 to 20 percent, who do these things," Rimm said, "but it affects all the kids and how they think."

Sexualized tweens make for distracted students, Rimm said. "If they are thinking about girlfriends and boyfriends, it doesn't make school seem very important."

Ethel Katz, a local family therapist at Behavioral HealthCare Center, said sexualized tweens are courting disaster.

"They think they can handle these things that, emotionally, they cannot handle," Katz said.

As 8-year-old Kathryn Piper Carter enters her tweens, her parents are smoothing the way. Internet access for Kathryn is supervised and confined to the family room, her mother, Heidi Piper Carter, said. The family is also adding a game room to the house so Kathryn can socialize with friends in a controlled environment.

"Too much, too fast" is Carter's view of today's tween adolescence.

Adolescent perks

Despite the dangers of the tween years, it has its perks, parents say. The period can live up to its quaint appellation of "the golden age of adolescence," when children listen to and revere their parents and teachers.

Mom and Dad get to watch their kids navigate the path from childhood to young adulthood -- a maturation typically marked by two steps forward and one step back, or vice versa.

"She wants to be older sometimes, and other times she goes back to playing with dolls," Papasergia said of Jenna. "She acts really mature sometimes, than other times she's a spaz."

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Source: The Bakersfield Californian, Feb 10, 2007

Club Libby Lu for tweens to open at Valley Plaza

Tweens of Bakersfield, rejoice!

Valley Plaza Mall on Ming Avenue is getting a Club Libby Lu. That’s a store shamelessly packed with pink and glitter where girls in the neighborhood of 6 to 12 years old can get makeovers, buy dress up clothes and accessories, decorate customized plush toys and hold theme parties.

The store is opening April 14, and girls so inclined can get free makeovers April 15-18. Alas, accessories and Hannah Montana and Sharpay wigs are not included in the freebie.

A subsidiary of Saks Inc. and based in Chicago, Club Libby Lu has 98 stores nationwide, including nine in California. Bakersfield’s, at 2701 Ming Ave., will be the 10th in the state.

“We’ve been doing really great up in Modesto and Fresno, and we know Bakersfield is growing and it’s a very family oriented community,” said district manager Veronica Fajardo.

Club Libby Lu founder Mary Drolet, formerly of Montgomery Ward & Co. and Claire’s Stores Inc., named the store for the imaginary friend of her childhood.

The “girl-centered environment,” as the store bills its girlie-girl paradise, includes a style studio where patrons can dress up as pop stars and princesses; a Sparkle Spa where little divas can create custom spa products such as “Soapy Sundae” body scrub and “Kool Karma” body spray; a Pooch Parlor where girls can customize a pup or kitten and take it home in a fancy carrier; and an ear-piercing station.

Products for sale include clothes, accessories, home decor, gifts and tween-friendly cosmetics.

There’s also space for themed parties in which guests can live out fantasies of being everything from a rock star to a princess to a glamour queen.

Strolling through the mall with her four children in tow, Claudia Ibarra, 25, said she had never heard of Club Libby Lu, but it sounded like something a couple of her girls would love.

“For Halloween they dressed up as a princess and a fairy,” she said.

The eyes of 10-year-old Meghan Collom, who lives in south Bakersfield, sparkled as she discussed the Valley Plaza’s newest tenant.

“I like dressing up,” she said on a visit to the mall with her older sister.

Lisa Pollard, 43, of the northeast, gushed almost as much as 6-year-old daughter Sarah when she heard the news.

“Oh, she’s going to loooove that,” Pollard said. “She has lots of princess dresses.”

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Source: The Bakersfield Californian, Thursday, Apr 3 2008