Parenting and Family Life: Raising Bakersfield

What's MOPS?

Six years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child, I remember my sister asking me if I had ever heard about MOPS. What? Of course I mop. Does she not think I won’t sanitize my house with a brand new baby?? “NO, MOPS, as in ‘Mothers of Preschoolers’” Oh, MOPS. No, what is it?? She told me it was a special group for Moms. But I had an infant, not a preschooler, so I didn’t research it much further until I moved to Bakersfield 3 years ago and wanted to meet some new people.

But what exactly is it?? Well, in a nutshell—It’s a place to just hang out with other mommies. We meet every month, have our kids hang out with each other in supervised childcare while we get to listen to a great speaker, eat a nice warm home made meal, and get a chance to just chat or make a small craft. We also have special events throughout the month—play dates with our kids or just a mommies night out. But mostly—it’s a place to bond with other women who are in the same hair raising experience as you….from BIRTH (sleepless nights) to Kindergarten (getting them to sleep) and all the in-between. And we try to be there for each other—through whatever challenges God allows for in our path whether it be an addition to the family or a loss of a loved one.

And you know what I found out—it’s more than what I thought it was, much more….kind of wishing I joined in 6 years ago. And yes...you don’t have to wait until your child is a preschooler to be a part of MOPS.

It’s not just me either, here’s what another mommy has to say about the group. “I was 42 years old when I had my first (and last!) child. I was terrified! I knew absolutely nothing about raising a child. Knowing firsthand the power of prayer, I prayed to God to guide me and stay especially close. I began reading parenting books. They all said different things- I began to freak! What was right and what was wrong? I had no idea. I was always asking for advice from moms I knew. I read an article in The Northwest Voice describing how MOPS had helped one of the members through a difficult time. I thought this group sounded like the support I needed. It would be a chance for me to overcome my shyness and meet other mothers, and for my child to learn how to interact with other children. Well, trust my instincts I did! This has been our first year in MOPS and I can’t tell you how it has helped us both! Everyone in the group has been so caring and helpful and understanding and welcoming. My son has grown tremendously and has adjusted well with the other kids. MOPS was definitely just what I had prayed for to guide me during the beginning of this scary journey of parenthood!”

Come check us out—we are the Bridge Bible Church MOPS group. We will be kicking off our year with an open house event at the Riverwalk Park on September 18th from 10A to 12P. We will have some kiddie games, snacks, and an info table. Looking forward to seeing you there!

Sex Offenders Map

Unfortunately, sex crimes can happen anywhere. Keep yourself and your family safe! Look at the California Registered Sex Offender map for Bakersfield.

You can also get more information on local sex offenders on the Bakersfield Police Department site.

Focus on the Family's "Truth Project" at Christ's Church of the Valley

Christ's Church of the Valley, partnering with Focus on the Family Ministries, will be hosting a live-by-satellite training seminar on the riveting study series, "The Truth Project."

"In a recent study, the Barna Research Group revealed a stunning statistic that continues to reverberate throughout the evangelical world. Only 9 percent of professing Christians have a biblical worldview.

Because of this, today's believers live very similarly to non-believers. A personal sense of significance is rarely experienced, we spend our money and time on things that fail to satisfy and we begin to wonder what life's ultimate purpose really is. We are, in short, losing our bearings as a people and a nation.

To counter this slide within the body of Christ, we are launching one of the most ambitious and powerful projects in the history of our ministry—Focus on the Family's The Truth Project."

There will be a FREE PREVIEW BREAKFAST on Saturday June 28th from 8-9:30am. You can find out how you, your small group, or your church can be involved in this unique event.

I've been through this study twice now, once as a participant and once as a facilitator, and I can say that it was eye-opening and encouraging. The series helps address the question, "Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?"

I highly recommend it. People who attent the full day seminar in September will receive the complete study material package for your small group or church. People who attend the Preview Breakfast will get good food and promotional info to share with your friends and neighbors about the seminar.

Email me if you want more info or have any questions. I even have a few of the promo DVDs and I'll gladly send one your way!

~kevin

wrytingbear@hotmail.com

Moms On The Red Couch (Bakersfield Life, May 2008)

On The Red Couch this month are four moms who know all about planning for summer. When the kids are out of school, it takes some creativity to keep them busy.

Cindi Tadej
Mother of:
Tyler, age 22
Beau, age 18
Jilli, age 16

Caryl Schweitzer
Mother of Nanette, age 11

Becky Colaw
Mother of:
James, age 13
Jason, age 10
David, age 5
Sarah, age 3

Cindy Meek
Principal, St. Francis Parish School
Mother of Lissa Meek Sittman, 36
Mother of Tally Meek Brand, 33
Mother of Dr. John M. Meek, 31
Grandmother to
Brittany Sittman, age 12
Brianna Sittman, age 10
Charlie Sittman, age 8

What are your summer plans with your kids?

Cindi Tadej - Relaxing, recovering from a long school semester, preparing for college, taking time to enjoy who they are now. My youngest, our daughter, and I spend time that we don’t have during the school year just relaxing, chatting, entertaining and visiting with friends. We have a tradition where we set personal and academic goals for the next school year each August.

Caryl Schweitzer - My husband, Karl, teaches college courses part-time and he usually takes the summer off. What a luxury! He and Nanette plan to study Spanish, French, musical history and theory, and cooking techniques. She’s our designated sous chef and is already quite knowledgeable in the kitchen.

Becky Colaw - We will make some day trips to the beach, weekend trips to visit family in San Diego, go to the our favorite Bakersfield parks and to CALM. We’re also going to try and do some date nights (a new thing for us) with each kid individually. When you have four so spread out everything becomes a compromise. It’s nice when they can set the agenda for themselves once in a while. I think it communicates that while we’re a family and that demands compromise, we love them as individuals.

Cindy Meek - My oldest daughter, Lissa, will be bringing her children to Tahoe to spend a week with their grandparents. My second child, Tally, lives in Tahoe and will spend weekends and evenings with me in July. My son Johnny will be spending a week in Costa Rica with my cousin. Doing his residency at Botsforth Hospital in Farmington Hills, Mich., Johnny does not have the option of visiting Lake Tahoe in the summer. He does join us at Christmas.

What do you do or recommend to keep kids busy during the summer?

Cindi Tadej - When they were little – all kinds of day camps. Tennis, golf, science, basketball, soccer, volleyball, dance, art, acting, music. There are also vacation bible schools for several weeks of the summer.

Caryl Schweitzer - Nanette has a ballet dance recital in mid-June. Then she will go to tennis camp at the Bakersfield Racquet Club for at least one week and to art camp at the Bakersfield Museum of Art for two weeks. And, since she likes the computer so much, we think it’s time she learns how to type. She will be taking an online typing class this summer as well.

Becky Colaw - We will spend time at the pool, hang out with friends and relax. I like to choose some classic literature with good character lessons that we can read as a family. The older boys will have an opportunity to go to camp. We’ll also take out our church’s ice cream truck and give away some ice cream at local parks. I plan to teach my older two kids to do their own laundry and get into a better routine as far as chores go. We have not done a good job of that this year.

Cindy Meek - As an educator and parent I recommend that parents keep their children active both physically and mentally. There are wonderful day camps available through CALM, Lori Brock Museum, CSU Bakersfield and Parks and Recreation. If your child is doing well in school and does not need educational help then keep them reading. As educators, we find that children who know their math at the end of the school year return 10 weeks later and have forgotten it because they have not looked at a math problem all summer. Having flash cards in the car or in the kitchen and pulling them out periodically and having your children quiz each other or you quizzing your children helps them retain their facts.

If your kids had their way, how would they spend their summer?

Cindi Tadej - When they were young, they would have swam in the pool, laid in the sun, watched movies, played video games and eaten junk food all day, having a pack of friends at the house with them.

Caryl Schweitzer - Nanette would be in a swimming pool the entire time if it were possible.

Becky Colaw - They will be pretty happy with the plans we have, but they would love it if their friends could spend the night every night and if they could stay up all night and sleep all day. My oldest two would love to spend a couple weeks in Oklahoma with family and friends without mom and dad.

Cindy Meek - If my kids had their way, they would spend the summer at Tahoe or the beach. They would be reading on the beach, enjoying boating and water activities, playing games in the afternoon and having friends over for dinner and games or movies in the evening. They would be outside hiking, biking and playing tennis. All three of my kids have community service ingrained in their way of thought so they would also be involved in some type of community service during the summer whether it was fundraising for a particular organization, working on a project or volunteering in a facility.

What is the biggest challenge for children during the summer?

Cindi Tadej - I would say keeping competitive in whatever they aspire to do. Kids now have a lot of pressure to make their summers count in terms of looking the best they can and being the most competitive they can for college applications. So, the challenge is almost to know what they want to do when they grow up so they can begin a steady showing of passion for that - not wasting summers.

Caryl Schweitzer - Keeping her from being bored and watching too much television.

Becky Colaw - They do get bored if not kept busy, and when they do, they want to be in front of the television too much. They also get tired of each other and fight more than they do when they are in school if not given breaks from each other.

Cindy Meek - I think the biggest challenge for children during the summer is boredom and lack of physical activity. They need activities planned for them to keep them engaged and happy. Activities do not necessarily have to be entertaining. I am a firm believer that children need responsibility to be successful. Children should have additional chores added to their days since they are not committed to homework in the evenings. Every child should have some responsibility that he/she is responsible for around the home. Chores need to be completed before the fun begins.

What have you found works well to cure the summer boredom?

Cindi Tadej - Finding activities that your kids love to do, finding new activities to try, finding a way for them to participate and be involved in those things so there is not so much time to be bored. If they don’t want to be involved, then lots of chores are good for curing boredom and can help the parents a lot too!

Caryl Schweitzer - Television and the computer get boring after awhile – even for Nanette, who loves both. Other than going out of town, we arrange play dates, read new books, go shopping, go to the farmer’s market on Saturday mornings then to breakfast at the Santa Fe Café, have a lemonade stand, and keep art materials in stock.

Becky Colaw - If I feel like I am doing my part to provide activities and to keep the kids busy but they are still complaining of boredom, I always have a list of jobs they can do: clean the car, clean out their closet, clean the garage, pretty much clean anything needed. I will be honest. I get frustrated when my kids say they are bored. They want to be in front of the TV or on a video game, and we have to limit the amount of time they do that. When the terrible heat hits, I will be more lenient. Once they remember the list of things I have stored away for summer boredom, I bet they will find a way to entertain themselves.

Cindy Meek - Finding something your child is interested in and expanding that interest. If your child is an athlete get them involved in lessons or club sports. If your child likes to play games, challenge them to learn new games. Many schools have chess clubs where students compete against each other. At our school, we have a bridge club and our first graders are playing bridge with their grandparents.

Originally posted at http://www.bakersfieldlife.com/home/ViewPost/60375 on May 16, 2008.

RaisingBakersfield.com: An online community space for parents debuts

Happy Mother’s Day, Bakersfield: Have we got a present for you!

The Bakersfield Californian family of publications has given birth today to its newest Web site, RaisingBakersfield.com, an online community space for local moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas, aunts, uncles, and anyone else who has a stake in raising Bakersfield’s next generation.

Are you so enamored with your kids that you want to post their pictures online and blog about their progress?

Do you want to keep an online journal detailing your daily fears and joys as a parent?

Are you hoping to find great deals on anything from toys to tutoring, or to get information on upcoming family events in the community?

Do you want to meet, vent with, bond with, or give advice to other parents or grandparents?

Then you’ll want to become a member of this new urban tribe.

WHAT SOME USERS ARE SAYING

“I love the website. It is easy to use and very creative. I think it will be a lot of fun and informative on many levels for the parents in the Bakersfield community,” said Jane McCullagh, who goes by the user name “Yomama.”

According to her user profile, McCullagh is “a young-at-heart 60-something mother of three grown daughters and grandmother to two young boys,” who has been a schoolteacher and superintendent as well as a stay-at-home mom.

“I hope to share with you some of the joys I have had as a parent and grandparent and offer any advice and tips I can to that next generation of moms out there!” she tells her fellow site members.

That wish to network is the spirit behind RaisingBakersfield.com, and is reflected in the welcome on its home page by content manager Jason Sperber, father of a 31⁄2-year-old.

“RaisingBakersfield.com is a place, on the web, where we can connect and reflect together,” Sperber (user name “Jason”) said. “Parenting is both the most challenging and the most important job we will ever have, but we can’t do it alone. We shouldn’t have to. This is our community, one we are building for the sake of our children, and together, we are all Raising Bakersfield.”

HOW THE SITE WAS CONCEIVED

Mary Lou Fulton, The Californian’s vice president of audience development, said the idea for a Web site for local parents came from several Californian employees last year during a companywide effort to look for new product offerings for the community.

One of the people who suggested the idea, Fulton said, was circulation manager Cristi Tallman, who was expecting a child 16 years after the birth of her last.

“I found the Internet to be an invaluable resource,” Tallman said. But even online, something soon became obvious to her: “There was no good local source where I could connect with other moms and moms-to-be.”

Fulton said Tallman became part of a team of employees who studied for months the possibility of launching a site like Raising Bakersfield. Research included interviews with the operators of similar sites in other cities, she said. Everything they found pointed to a local need.

“Raising Bakersfield will be the best and most comprehensive local online resource for parents,” Fulton said.

Site users can even sign up to receive free e-mail newsletters to keep up to date on the latest information available on the Web site.

A WEB SITE AND PUBLICATION FOR ADVERTISERS

And for local business owners, Fulton said, Raising Bakersfield will open up opportunities for online and print advertising, as a monthly glossy newsletter will feature selections from the Web site along with an extensive listing of local deals and an event calendar. The print newsletter will be distributed free at more than 100 local businesses catering to parents and families, Fulton said.

“We especially welcome advertising from smaller businesses that don’t have big budgets,” she said.

“This is one of the most affordable advertising programs we have ever offered at The Californian and we hope many local businesses will take advantage of it.”

Originally posted at http://www.bakersfield.com/138/story/439250.html on May 8 for print publication on Mother's Day, May 11, 2008.

Recession time: Family vacation planning and what to tell the kids

Tara Talnenetz’s 5-year-old son, Dilon, is like a lot of boys his age when he gets in a store. His face lights up at the sight of toys or candy, and he turns puppy dog eyes up to his mother.

Talnenetz used to indulge him more, but as the nation teeters on the brink of recession, she finds herself relenting less.

These days when Dilon starts whimpering, “I just tell him no,” Talnenetz said as she loaded her son into her car along with purchases from a northeast Bakersfield 99-Cent Store. “He takes no for an answer, usually. He’s pretty good about that.”

As food and gasoline prices soar, many families are seeing their discretionary income shrink or vanish. There may no longer be room in the family budget for extravagant birthday parties, dance and music lessons or big-ticket electronic toys.

Most parents would like to shield their children from money woes, but children — especially older ones — often sense their parents’ stress, or at the very least notice there’s no vacation this year. It’s not a good idea to lie to children about financial duress, but what you say and how you say it should be adapted to the age of the child, said Dr. Caron Goode of the Academy for Coaching Parents International, a Fort Worth, Texas, organization that certifies parenting experts.

Very young children, and even tweens, have a propensity for melodrama and are easily frightened, Goode said, so you don’t want to use scare tactics that could alarm them unduly.

“Be honest but reassuring,” Goode said. “Just kindly say, ‘Money’s tight right now, but we’ll be OK.’”

Teenagers, on the other hand, are old enough to understand more, and should be approached as allies who can help problem solve.

“Explain that this is what we’re doing together, as a family, to deal with this, and this is how you can help,” Goode said. ‘We don’t really need those $80 jeans or those $200 sneakers. Isn’t there something else you could be happy with?’ Or, ‘You know, if you got a summer job, you’d have more say over how we spend discretionary income because you’d be earning it, yourself.’”

Each family needs to decide how much detail to provide children based on their age and the general comfort level of the parents, but it’s OK to have a general discussion with children about the household budget, said Laura Levine, executive director of Jumpstart Coalition for Personal Financial Literacy, a national nonprofit organization that advocates for financial education in schools.

“The general idea is to discuss how much the family earns each month versus how much they have to spend on bills, groceries and other needs, including a set amount for savings, not just what’s left over,” Levine said. “The budget doesn’t need to be complicated and the math part is usually pretty simple. This column needs to be less than that column. So even most elementary school children will be able to understand.”

It’s never too early to start teaching children the value of money, said Cal State Bakersfield economist Abbas Grammy, who used to run an educational program for elementary school students that covered saving, debt and other personal finance issues.

Young people earned money for showing up and participating in class discussions, and the money was held in a classroom bank. Students could withdraw funds to pay for things such as rent for their chairs, toys and candy. Or they could invest in, for instance, car wash supplies they could use to raise even more money washing cars.

“Learning about consumption and savings, and why putting money to work for you in the long run is better than instant gratification, those are lessons they can use all their lives,” Grammy said.
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Fancy thrills versus cheapskate alternatives

Looking for an outing?

Fancy thrill: Disneyland

Anaheim, CA

www.disneyland.com

(714) 781-4565

Tickets: $56 age 3-9, $66 age 10-59, $64 age 60 and up

Parking: $11 cars; vans, campers and RVs $13

Gas: 278 miles round-trip from downtown Bakersfield at $3.85 per gallon=$53

Saturday: Lunch, snack and dinner: $192

One night’s stay at Disneyland Hotel: $300

Sunday: Breakfast: $40

Estimated total for a family of four: $840

Cheapskate: California Living Museum

10500 Alfred Harrell Highway, Bakersfield.

www.calmzoo

(661) 872-2256

Tickets: $7 adults, $5 seniors, $4 students with ID, $4 children age 3-17, Free children under age 3.

Parking: free

Gas: 26 miles round-trip from downtown Bakersfield at $3.85 per gallon=$5

Sack lunches: $20

Estimated total for a family of four: $47

Looking for water?

Fancy thrill: Six Flags Hurricane Harbor

26101 Magic Mountain Parkway, Valencia.

www.sixflags.com/hurricaneHarborLA

(661) 255-4527

Tickets: $24.99 adults, $20.99 children under 48 inches tall.

Parking: $15

Gas: 156 miles round-trip at $3.85 per gallon=$30

Estimated total for a family of four: $136.96

Cheapskate: City of Bakersfield Recreation and Parks Department

The city of Bakersfield has 47 parks, and many of them have a swimming pool, water spray area or both. Call the city for the location of the nearest park and its amenities.

(661) 326-3866 (FUNN)

City map of parks

Admission: Spray areas are free. Swimming pool admission varies by park, but is typically about $2.

Parking: free

Gas: nominal, or free if you walk or ride a bike.

Estimated total for a family of four: free to $8

Planning a birthday party?

Fancy thrill: John’s Incredible Pizza Co.

3709 Rosedale Highway., Bakersfield

www.johnspizza.com

(661) 859-1111

Speedway Party Package: $15.99 per child age 12 or younger

Includes buffet, unlimited soft drinks, 32 Fun World game card credits, 25 redemption tickets and one ride on an indoor go-cart track.

Total for eight guests: $127.92

Cheapskate: Birthday party at home

Your place

Create a free Web site on MySpace, Facebook or eVite

Your phone number

Disposable plates, cups, napkins, forks: $7

Party favors: $10

Goody bags to put them in: $3

Invitations: $4

Birthday cake: $15.99 at Costco, serves 48.

Decorations: $10

Games and prizes: $20

Total for eight guests: $69.99

Sources: California Living Museum, City of Bakersfield Recreation and Parks Department, Disneyland, John’s Incredible Pizza Co., Six Flags Hurricane Harbor. Gas prices from Energy Information Administration, www.eia.doe.gov. Mileage from Mapquest, www.mapquest.com. Party product costs from Party City, www.partycity.com. Cake price from Costco, www.costco.com.
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Source: The Bakersfield Californian, May 10, 2008

Our littlest Angel in heaven! :)

In Loving Memory of Jessica Marie

Hi, I just wanted to share to the world that our grandaughter was born, and then she went to heaven. God wanted our little angel. She was the prettiest little thing and oh so wanted. This is what is going on in our family right now and I just wanted to share. She is on my mind all the time. She would have been my daughters first bio child. She will try again next year.

Thankyou for letting me share.

Girl celebrates bat mitzvah: 'My soul is now complete'

Ariella Goldstein loves Passover. It’s a time for her, her twin brother Roy, their parents and other family members to get together, celebrate and “talk about stuff.”

And she already knows how the conversation is likely to go this year: “I think everyone’s going to be talking about my bat mitzvah,” the 12-year-old student of Christa McAuliffe Elementary School said.

Like her mother, Ariella chose to follow the Israeli tradition of celebrating becoming “someone who is responsible for doing good deeds” at age 12, not 13, like some girls in America — and Jewish boys everywhere — do.

“My soul is now complete because I turned 12,” Ariella said.

Dorit Goldstein, born in Israel, is raising her children biculturally and bilingually, in Hebrew and English.

She said that, like girls in Israel, Ariella chose not to read from the Torah at her synagogue and to celebrate her bat mitzvah at home.

“In Israel girls don’t read out of the Torah because it’s sort of a boys’ thing,” Ariella said. “I decided not to read out of the Torah but just make a nice speech.”

“And it’s OK,” her mother said. “The whole thing is not about the party — it’s about becoming a different person.”

'A FULL MEMBER'

Ariella’s rabbi, Paul Gordon, of the conservative Congregation B’nai Jacob, said girls reach the age of majority earlier under Jewish law: at 12 plus one day, whereas boys reach it at 13 plus one day.

“They are counted as a full member of the community. They’re responsible for their own actions.” But although they begin to be treated more like adults, it doesn’t mean that they can get married yet, Gordon said.

Rites of passage and milestones were themes Ariella explored in the speech she wrote and delivered to friends and loved ones at her southwest Bakersfield home last Saturday.

“Becoming a Bat Mitzvah is a very important stage in a girl’s life,” Ariella wrote. “Women receive their godly soul in different parts of their lives. First, we receive a third of our soul when we are born. We receive the next third of our soul when we are given our Jewish name. The final third is received when we reach the age of 12. It is at that age when we assume the responsibilities of a woman.

“God has now given me the ability to deal with my responsibilities and the willpower to overcome my daily struggles,” she said. “I can no longer blame my parents when things go wrong and I have to learn to say that it was my fault. Also, I have to be held accountable for my actions.”

A PROUD AND GRATEFUL MOM

“Every Passover is special because we get to celebrate our freedom,” Dorit Goldstein said about the weeklong holiday, which begins Saturday at sundown in remembrance of God’s liberation of the Israelites from slavery.

According to the second book of the Bible, the Jews were instructed to sacrifice a lamb and mark the doors of their houses with its blood so they could be spared the judgment God was about to bring upon their captors.

“Now the blood shall be a sign for you on the houses where you are. And when I see the blood, I will pass over you: and the plague shall not be on you to destroy you when I strike the land of Egypt,” the account says in Exodus 12:13.

This year, the celebration of freedom will be extra special for Dorit Goldstein because it will be Ariella’s first as a woman — spiritually.

“She’s still a kid, she’s always going to be my little girl. But it’s really different. It’s a girl that’s really growing.”

MIRACLE TWINS

Dorit and her husband, David Goldstein, who is originally from New York, had wanted to have children for a long time but couldn’t.

Then they tried in-vitro fertilization, which is how their twins were conceived. They were born in Inglewood, N.J., Dorit Goldstein said.

“On their announcement card we put, ‘Our miracle twins,’” she said. “They are miracles to us.”

The family moved to Bakersfield six years ago.

Rabbi Gordon said of them: “They’re active members of the synagogue who are kind, caring and loving, and give of themselves freely.”

Ariella said she and Roy share a special sixth-sense type of connection.

“Me and my brother,” she said excitedly, “my dad will ask us a question and we’ll both yell out the same answer.”

In last Saturday’s speech, Ariella had some special words for her brother: “You are always there cheering me on, and are always there for me whenever I get hurt. I love playing and spending time with you because you are the definition of fun.”

When asked if Roy was envious because he has to wait a year to have his bar mitzvah, she said not really — well, maybe just a little.

Either way, he’s probably really busy preparing for it already.

“As soon as we’re done with her bat mitzvah, he’s going to start learning his portion of the Torah,” their mother said last week.

For the celebration of his becoming “someone who is responsible for doing good deeds,” his mother, an artisan, plans to make a Jewish prayer shawl called a tallit, which is customary for boys to wear, she said.

And if Roy is anything like his twin, he’s sure to embrace his new responsibilities as a spiritual man at 13 wholeheartedly.

“We say Kaddish (a special prayer) every Friday night before dinner and light the Shabbat candles,” Ariella said last week. “I’ve made a commitment that I’m going to light the Shabbat candles every Friday night” now that her soul is complete.

“As my last twelve years have zoomed by, I can see how much I have changed,” she said at the end of her speech. “And I am still changing. But becoming a Bat Mitzvah now means that I am a woman and that I alone am responsible for my actions. I’ve got more mistakes to make and more things to learn so the best advice I can give myself is to never give up and to keep trying every day.”

Photos:

Photo by CoCo Walters / The Californian

The Goldsteins belong to Congregation B'Nai Jacob in Bakersfield. They recently celebrated the coming of age of their daughter Ariella, 12, and next year, when her twin brother turns 13, they will celebrate his bar mitzvah.

Photo by CoCo Walters / The Californian

Ariella and some friends look at what invited guests wrote on a picture frame at the entrance of her home.

Photo by CoCo Walters / The Californian

Dorit and David Goldstein light a candle together in honor of their daughter Ariella, who at age 12 gets to celebrate her bat mitzvah, which means "daughter of the commandment." Ariella's twin brother Roy (far left) will celebrate his bar mitzvah when he turns 13.

Photo by CoCo Walters / The Californian

Ariella Goldstein, 12 is reading some of her own words and some important poems and blessings before the family and friends present at the bat mitzvah held for her in her home in Bakersfield.

Originally posted at http://www.bakersfield.com/138/story/418363.html on Tuesday, April 15, 2008.

Trace your own family tree, right here in Bakersfield

Bakersfield locals seeking to research their family history don’t have to be Mormon or travel to Salt Lake City to take advantage of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ extensive genealogical data resources.

Three LDS chapels (called stakes) in Bakersfield include a Family History Center complete with computers, microfilm reels and readers, and enthusiastic volunteers to help you get started on a search. Each center functions as a branch of the Family History Library, located in Temple Square in downtown Salt Lake City. The library boasts of being the largest genealogical record repository of its kind in the world.

For Clareen Hays, director of public affairs for the LDS Church in greater Bakersfield, successful genealogical research is nothing short of a spiritual experience.

“We believe this is the Lord’s work,” she said about her church’s mission to collect birth, marriage, death and other records from people all over the world and throughout the centuries, and make them available for anyone, Mormon or not, who wants to view them.

“If we’re having difficulty finding a record of someone who has passed on,” she said, “the Lord will allow that person to help us find that record.”

From the Mormon perspective, according to Hays, it might be in an unredeemed ancestor’s best interest to lend a helping hand: As long as there are believers willing to perform baptisms or other forms of “temple work” for those who died without hearing the Mormon message, the dead will be given another chance in the next life to hear it and accept it. Their free will stays intact, however, Hays explained, as they can still choose to reject the message.

Mormons using their family history records can thus try to ensure that multiple generations of their families are “sealed” forever together throughout eternity.

Sandy Hand, assistant director of the Bakersfield Stake Family History Center on A Street, said she has been able to research her own family history back to her fourth great-grandmother, who was born in Rosenfeld, Germany, and migrated to the United States in 1857.

“What’s exciting to me is that you know they (one’s ancestors) existed because we’re here, but when you see a name on the record, this is real time. These people were real,” she said.

Non-Mormons can still have plenty of nonspiritually inspired fun filled with jaw-dropping discovery moments by learning about their roots.

An example Hays gave involves African-Americans, who often have a hard time finding out where they came from because of the legacy of slavery.

Each Family History Center in Bakersfield has a CD copy of the Freedman’s Bank Records. The Freedman’s Savings Bank was created by the U.S. government immediately following the Civil War to help emancipated (“freedmen”) or veteran slaves and their families build their savings. Although the institution endured for only about a decade, from 1865 to 1874, the Freedman’s Bank Records database can be an invaluable tool for African-American families on a genealogical quest. Free copies of the CD-Rom are available at local Family History Centers while supplies last.

Go & Search

Research your family tree at a Family History Center open to the public at three metro Bakersfield chapels of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Use of the facilities is free but you may have to pay a nominal fee to photocopy documents or to order the shipment of microfilm not available locally.

Bakersfield Stake Family History Center, 316 A St.

Hours:

• 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Tuesday

• 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and 6 to 9 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday

Information: 322-1976

Bakersfield East Stake Family History Center, 5600 Panorama Drive

Hours: • 10 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday

Information: 872-5683

Bakersfield South Stake Family History Center, 2801 Real Road

Hours: • 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Thursday • Also, 6 to 8:30 p.m. Tuesday through Thursday

Information: 831-2036

Other sources available through the LDS Church:

• www.familysearch.org

• www.lds.org — Free family history software downloadable from the “Family History and Temples” link.

• Freedman’s Bank Records CD-Rom (suitable for PC computers only) for researching African-American ancestry: Free while supplies last from any of the above Family History Centers.

• General Information: Contact Clareen Hays, director of public affairs for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in greater Bakersfield, 833-9297.

______________________________________

Source: The Bakersfield Californian, Friday, Feb 15 2008

Finding myself: A Californian reporter's genealogical journey

It was a long shot.

While vacationing in Salt Lake City after Christmas, I decided to go into the multistoried Family History Library of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and do the touristy thing of beginning a genealogical search.

Initially, some friendly volunteers gave me the hope that I would find some information about my family. After awhile, however, it became clear that there was just one microfilm reel that was likely to contain the birth records of only my paternal grandparents, Elena and Gonzalo Medina, and that it ended with entries from 1910.

But I wasn’t sure of their birth years. They died in the 1990s, when they were, I thought, in their 80s. So I figured they were probably born toward the end of the first decade of the 20th century.

And I didn’t know their birthdays: They were simple rural folk who never celebrated themselves or expected others to celebrate them in that way. But from what I thought my mother — the de facto recorder of family birthdays — had said, August and October sounded about right for their birth months.

I was also assuming that the birth records of “Mamá Nena” (from her name, Elena) and “Papá Chalo” (from his middle name, Gonzalo, by which he was known) would be entered in the town hall registry of the small coffee-growing mountain village of Comasagua, in El Salvador, where they had lived — and died. It hadn’t occurred to me they might have been born elsewhere.

And I wasn’t even sure whether Grandma’s maiden name, “Henriquez,” was spelled with or without a silent “h” at the beginning.

But there was no time to think about all these possible limitations.

I simply had to search.

Thank you, LDS Church!

One of the things that fascinates me most about Mormons is their emphasis on the spiritual “sealing” of entire families so they can be united for all eternity in heaven.

By proxy, Mormons perform baptisms and other “temple work” for the dead who may not have heard the Mormon message in this life, in the hope that they will have a chance to hear and accept it in the next. They therefore make great efforts to gather genealogical data from all over the world so believers can go back as many generations as possible and find ancestors whose salvation they can try to ensure.

With that end in mind, the Genealogical Society of Utah had photographers shoot, page by page, the Registry of Births of the Municipality of Comasagua, Province of La Libertad, for all those years.

MOMENT OF DISCOVERY

As the microfilm reel advanced, I read many Catholic and Castilian names common to that era. They were hopelessly old-school but charming: Leandra, Aurelia, Felicita, Erminia, Coronado, Gabino, Macario, Rómulo. They sounded so classical, elegant and Hollywood-cool to me that I found myself wishing I had been named “Coronado” or “Rómulo Medina.”

When I got to 1906 I slowed down and started looking at each entry more carefully. 1907. 1908.

“Oh, my God!” I broke the silence in the quiet library.

Entry number 131 on page 144, in very legible cursive handwriting in Spanish, said:

“Comasagua Town Hall, Aug. 27, 1908: Elena Henriquez, a girl, was born on the twentieth of the current month at four in the morning in Hacienda San Luis of this jurisdiction, the illegitimate daughter of Emilia Henriquez, a native of San Salvador. This information was provided by Mr. Reyes Henriquez, who did not sign because he does not know how.” The signature of someone named Narciso Sandoval, who I gathered was the mayor, followed. Below it was that of Mariano Lobos, who was the town hall secretary and a witness.

There was Grandma, “illegitimate” because she was born to a single mom, Emilia, whom I had heard mentioned as “Mamá Mila,” my great-grandmother, a native of the capital who, for some reason, had moved to the countryside.

The baby’s birth had been reported seven days after the fact by Reyes Henriquez, who could have been my great-great-grandfather or my great-great-uncle — I couldn’t be sure. What I knew from the entry, of course, was that he had been illiterate.

I was on a roll now: If I had been able to find Grandma, I would surely be able to find Grandpa. So I kept scrolling through entries: 135, 140, 145, and there, very soon, at the bottom of page 150, was entry 149:

“Comasagua Town Hall, Sept. 20, 1908. José Gonzalo Medina, a boy, was born on the eighth day of the current month at two-thirty in the afternoon in this municipality, the illegitimate child of Catalina Medina, a native of this municipality. This information was provided by the natural father, Mr. Francisco Quiteño Jr., whose signature appears in this entry.” There were the signatures of Sandoval and Lobos again, and to the left of them, with the proud and fancy flourish of a newborn dad’s, was the signature of my great-grandfather.

As children, my brothers and I got to meet my Medina great-grandmother. We called her “Mamá Cata” (from Catalina). She used to smoke cigars, and whenever we visited her, my father, after whom I am named, would be sure to stop at a handmade cigar factory and buy her a bagful.

She had cheeks like a whiskerless walrus, and it was wonderful to sink into their fleshiness when we leaned up to give her a kiss.

She was the source of my family name, not my great-grandfather, who, not being married to her when Papá Chalo was born, was only the “natural” father, not the “legitimate” one, and therefore could not pass on his name. So my last name could have been Quiteño, which has both a “q” and an “ñ” in it, two of my favorite letters in the Spanish language. I felt cheated. Guess what the name of my next pet is going to be?

Grandpa was born in September, not in October as I had thought. Less than three weeks after Grandma. In the same town. They could have been playmates as children. Maybe they were.

I knew my ancestors and myself a little better now, after having taken that hopeful tourist’s detour into the library. My universe had expanded. I had gained a little more life.

I shared my find with some workers at the library who hear testimonies of finds like mine every day, but kindly rejoiced with me as though mine were the first.

“It wasn’t long ago I saw a gal start dancing,” said Rachel Creswell, a part-time volunteer.

“We see tears many times, tears of joy,” said Heidi Sugden, a reference consultant.

I myself didn’t dance. My eyes stayed dry and my hands stayed by my sides. But my heart understood the feeling perfectly.

___________________________________

Source: The Bakersfield Californian, Friday, Feb 15 2008

WarmLine - Another Parent to Talk To

WarmLine is a parenting helpline offering free telephone support for parents of children from birth to 6 years of age.

e-mail support: warmline@earthlink.net

WarmLine is a not for profit organization of trained volunteers that serve as a telephone outreach to families in Kern County, California.

661-323-3531
or 1-888-955-9099
outside Bakersfield California

Monday - Friday
8:30 am to 4:30 pm PST
(excluding holidays)

Call WarmLine today to talk about your child!

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WarmLine offers a confidential listening ear, helping parents and care-givers deal effectively with the crucial and often difficult situations that occur when raising children. We are here to provide support and guidance to anyone who needs it.

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The ABCs of finances: Teaching children the value of money

Andrew is a first-grader, and it’s great to be a part of his education. We read children’s books together, and his mom and I enjoy guiding him through his homework each night.

Whenever I get a chance, I love to speak with him about topics that aren’t really taught in school, like finances and economics. Kids are so smart today! I find myself constantly amazed by how advanced they are and how much they understand already.

However, while we teach our children to look both ways before crossing the street, we can easily overlook other principles that are just as basic.

Learning the value of money is something the entire family can benefit from, including our children.

Here are two ways to improve your children’s knowledge in finances:

Make financial concepts seem more real
Make financial concepts come to life by showing them different principles.

For example, at your local Kern County Library branch, locate old newspapers and compare today’s prices with prices 25 to 50 years ago.

Children may be surprised to know that because of general price inflation, a child’s fishing pole that would have cost $5 in 1973 would cost $23.35 today.

Or while you’re at the grocery store, teach your child how to determine the best price per ounce. This is a simple but effective way to show your child the value per unit of something you normally buy, like chicken, fish, beef, tortillas, vegetables or anything else. When you are eating out, teach them how to calculate a tip.

You can also try a new twist on playing house with your children. Give them play money to make payments for the electricity, gas, phone and water as if they are homeowners. Vary the cost of the utilities according to the season and add property taxes and homeowner’s insurance during the appropriate months. Offer the chance to buy privileges with the extra play money left at each month’s end. With the money they’ve “saved” at the end of the month, they can buy the privilege of deciding which movie to rent or choosing family meals for a week.

Set mutual goals
Establish joint goals for your children to strive for, like a special vacation or that video game they’ve been wanting.

Create reasonable amounts for your child to contribute toward the goal.

Your child will feel a sense of accomplishment when the goal is reached, and understand what it takes financially to make such things possible.

And you may be teaching your child the most important lesson of all:

By setting a goal and following through, “I can succeed!”

Teaching your children the basics is important.

So when you’re educating them on the importance of not playing with matches, don’t forget to include the ABCs of finances.

— Martin Reynoso is a financial advisor with The Principal Financial Group.

Originally posted at http://www.masbakersfield.com/home/ViewPost/49161 on Thursday, February 21, 2008.