Mom Stuff: Raising Bakersfield

Family Dinner No Longer A Myth

Only the parents of a picky eater can truly appreciate a story like this. For the first time in nearly four years, I made one dinner last night. Just like those mythical children who slept through the night after just three months of age (to you parents who swear your children did, either 1) I don’t believe you or 2) I now secretly hate you), I thought one meal for an entire family was just a myth. For the past four years, I have made two dinners every night. One that fits the ten-item repertoire that my oldest son will accept and one that is acceptable to my sophisticated palate. Now, in reality, I could eat what my boys eat but quite frankly, I don’t want to. So is the problem really mine or is it the fact that my son won’t even try anything without crinkling his nose and refusing an ‘I-don’t-like-it bite’ that I insist he take? My youngest is our garbage disposal. This kid eats anything I put in front of him. I wasn’t worried about him, but darn it I am tired of catering to my 4 year old!

I’ll admit it; I’m a bit of a food snob. I enjoy cooking and trying new recipes and love all kinds of fish, pasta, and meat. I love food from all over the world and our spice cabinet is jam-packed with things no normal person has ever heard of. I have lived in the Middle East, Europe, and both East and West Coasts- I will try anything at least one time. Even my husband is skeptical when I dish out a new recipe for him but in our 9 years of marriage, I have never once made a bad meal.

So, finding out that my oldest son wasn’t very adventurous was a bit of a downer. I want to be able to share everything that I love and expose him to the different cultures of the world but if he won’t even put his tongue on it because it smells funny, I won’t get to share that with him. My son inherited the palate his Daddy had before we were married: quesadillas, grilled cheese sandwiches, p.b. and j’s, chicken nuggets, a few fruits and vegetables, and cheese sticks. Anything that deviates from this list would be cause for a meltdown.

Out of sheer exhaustion last night, I mentally told myself that I was okay with my son going to bed without dinner if he didn’t want what I made. I didn’t say a word. I laid out his plate with plain spaghetti noodles already cut up and a little bowl of sauce that he could dip into or pour on if he chose. I also cut up his meatballs and left them on the side of the plate so that it wasn’t touching the rest of the meal. We all sat down and my oldest announced “I don’t like spaghetti”. Already deciding that I wasn’t going to care, I still sucked in my breath. And then, it happened! He picked up a fork-full of noodles and dipped it into the sauce bowl. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as he put it in his mouth and swallowed. He continued to eat the entire portion while I sat there with misty eyes. Ok, I’ll admit it, a tear rolled down my face. A weekly break from two meals was enough to cry over. And although he didn't try his meatballs, I was ok with that. Maybe next time.

What's MOPS?

Six years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child, I remember my sister asking me if I had ever heard about MOPS. What? Of course I mop. Does she not think I won’t sanitize my house with a brand new baby?? “NO, MOPS, as in ‘Mothers of Preschoolers’” Oh, MOPS. No, what is it?? She told me it was a special group for Moms. But I had an infant, not a preschooler, so I didn’t research it much further until I moved to Bakersfield 3 years ago and wanted to meet some new people.

But what exactly is it?? Well, in a nutshell—It’s a place to just hang out with other mommies. We meet every month, have our kids hang out with each other in supervised childcare while we get to listen to a great speaker, eat a nice warm home made meal, and get a chance to just chat or make a small craft. We also have special events throughout the month—play dates with our kids or just a mommies night out. But mostly—it’s a place to bond with other women who are in the same hair raising experience as you….from BIRTH (sleepless nights) to Kindergarten (getting them to sleep) and all the in-between. And we try to be there for each other—through whatever challenges God allows for in our path whether it be an addition to the family or a loss of a loved one.

And you know what I found out—it’s more than what I thought it was, much more….kind of wishing I joined in 6 years ago. And yes...you don’t have to wait until your child is a preschooler to be a part of MOPS.

It’s not just me either, here’s what another mommy has to say about the group. “I was 42 years old when I had my first (and last!) child. I was terrified! I knew absolutely nothing about raising a child. Knowing firsthand the power of prayer, I prayed to God to guide me and stay especially close. I began reading parenting books. They all said different things- I began to freak! What was right and what was wrong? I had no idea. I was always asking for advice from moms I knew. I read an article in The Northwest Voice describing how MOPS had helped one of the members through a difficult time. I thought this group sounded like the support I needed. It would be a chance for me to overcome my shyness and meet other mothers, and for my child to learn how to interact with other children. Well, trust my instincts I did! This has been our first year in MOPS and I can’t tell you how it has helped us both! Everyone in the group has been so caring and helpful and understanding and welcoming. My son has grown tremendously and has adjusted well with the other kids. MOPS was definitely just what I had prayed for to guide me during the beginning of this scary journey of parenthood!”

Come check us out—we are the Bridge Bible Church MOPS group. We will be kicking off our year with an open house event at the Riverwalk Park on September 18th from 10A to 12P. We will have some kiddie games, snacks, and an info table. Looking forward to seeing you there!

Moms On The Red Couch (Bakersfield Life, May 2008)

On The Red Couch this month are four moms who know all about planning for summer. When the kids are out of school, it takes some creativity to keep them busy.

Cindi Tadej
Mother of:
Tyler, age 22
Beau, age 18
Jilli, age 16

Caryl Schweitzer
Mother of Nanette, age 11

Becky Colaw
Mother of:
James, age 13
Jason, age 10
David, age 5
Sarah, age 3

Cindy Meek
Principal, St. Francis Parish School
Mother of Lissa Meek Sittman, 36
Mother of Tally Meek Brand, 33
Mother of Dr. John M. Meek, 31
Grandmother to
Brittany Sittman, age 12
Brianna Sittman, age 10
Charlie Sittman, age 8

What are your summer plans with your kids?

Cindi Tadej - Relaxing, recovering from a long school semester, preparing for college, taking time to enjoy who they are now. My youngest, our daughter, and I spend time that we don’t have during the school year just relaxing, chatting, entertaining and visiting with friends. We have a tradition where we set personal and academic goals for the next school year each August.

Caryl Schweitzer - My husband, Karl, teaches college courses part-time and he usually takes the summer off. What a luxury! He and Nanette plan to study Spanish, French, musical history and theory, and cooking techniques. She’s our designated sous chef and is already quite knowledgeable in the kitchen.

Becky Colaw - We will make some day trips to the beach, weekend trips to visit family in San Diego, go to the our favorite Bakersfield parks and to CALM. We’re also going to try and do some date nights (a new thing for us) with each kid individually. When you have four so spread out everything becomes a compromise. It’s nice when they can set the agenda for themselves once in a while. I think it communicates that while we’re a family and that demands compromise, we love them as individuals.

Cindy Meek - My oldest daughter, Lissa, will be bringing her children to Tahoe to spend a week with their grandparents. My second child, Tally, lives in Tahoe and will spend weekends and evenings with me in July. My son Johnny will be spending a week in Costa Rica with my cousin. Doing his residency at Botsforth Hospital in Farmington Hills, Mich., Johnny does not have the option of visiting Lake Tahoe in the summer. He does join us at Christmas.

What do you do or recommend to keep kids busy during the summer?

Cindi Tadej - When they were little – all kinds of day camps. Tennis, golf, science, basketball, soccer, volleyball, dance, art, acting, music. There are also vacation bible schools for several weeks of the summer.

Caryl Schweitzer - Nanette has a ballet dance recital in mid-June. Then she will go to tennis camp at the Bakersfield Racquet Club for at least one week and to art camp at the Bakersfield Museum of Art for two weeks. And, since she likes the computer so much, we think it’s time she learns how to type. She will be taking an online typing class this summer as well.

Becky Colaw - We will spend time at the pool, hang out with friends and relax. I like to choose some classic literature with good character lessons that we can read as a family. The older boys will have an opportunity to go to camp. We’ll also take out our church’s ice cream truck and give away some ice cream at local parks. I plan to teach my older two kids to do their own laundry and get into a better routine as far as chores go. We have not done a good job of that this year.

Cindy Meek - As an educator and parent I recommend that parents keep their children active both physically and mentally. There are wonderful day camps available through CALM, Lori Brock Museum, CSU Bakersfield and Parks and Recreation. If your child is doing well in school and does not need educational help then keep them reading. As educators, we find that children who know their math at the end of the school year return 10 weeks later and have forgotten it because they have not looked at a math problem all summer. Having flash cards in the car or in the kitchen and pulling them out periodically and having your children quiz each other or you quizzing your children helps them retain their facts.

If your kids had their way, how would they spend their summer?

Cindi Tadej - When they were young, they would have swam in the pool, laid in the sun, watched movies, played video games and eaten junk food all day, having a pack of friends at the house with them.

Caryl Schweitzer - Nanette would be in a swimming pool the entire time if it were possible.

Becky Colaw - They will be pretty happy with the plans we have, but they would love it if their friends could spend the night every night and if they could stay up all night and sleep all day. My oldest two would love to spend a couple weeks in Oklahoma with family and friends without mom and dad.

Cindy Meek - If my kids had their way, they would spend the summer at Tahoe or the beach. They would be reading on the beach, enjoying boating and water activities, playing games in the afternoon and having friends over for dinner and games or movies in the evening. They would be outside hiking, biking and playing tennis. All three of my kids have community service ingrained in their way of thought so they would also be involved in some type of community service during the summer whether it was fundraising for a particular organization, working on a project or volunteering in a facility.

What is the biggest challenge for children during the summer?

Cindi Tadej - I would say keeping competitive in whatever they aspire to do. Kids now have a lot of pressure to make their summers count in terms of looking the best they can and being the most competitive they can for college applications. So, the challenge is almost to know what they want to do when they grow up so they can begin a steady showing of passion for that - not wasting summers.

Caryl Schweitzer - Keeping her from being bored and watching too much television.

Becky Colaw - They do get bored if not kept busy, and when they do, they want to be in front of the television too much. They also get tired of each other and fight more than they do when they are in school if not given breaks from each other.

Cindy Meek - I think the biggest challenge for children during the summer is boredom and lack of physical activity. They need activities planned for them to keep them engaged and happy. Activities do not necessarily have to be entertaining. I am a firm believer that children need responsibility to be successful. Children should have additional chores added to their days since they are not committed to homework in the evenings. Every child should have some responsibility that he/she is responsible for around the home. Chores need to be completed before the fun begins.

What have you found works well to cure the summer boredom?

Cindi Tadej - Finding activities that your kids love to do, finding new activities to try, finding a way for them to participate and be involved in those things so there is not so much time to be bored. If they don’t want to be involved, then lots of chores are good for curing boredom and can help the parents a lot too!

Caryl Schweitzer - Television and the computer get boring after awhile – even for Nanette, who loves both. Other than going out of town, we arrange play dates, read new books, go shopping, go to the farmer’s market on Saturday mornings then to breakfast at the Santa Fe Café, have a lemonade stand, and keep art materials in stock.

Becky Colaw - If I feel like I am doing my part to provide activities and to keep the kids busy but they are still complaining of boredom, I always have a list of jobs they can do: clean the car, clean out their closet, clean the garage, pretty much clean anything needed. I will be honest. I get frustrated when my kids say they are bored. They want to be in front of the TV or on a video game, and we have to limit the amount of time they do that. When the terrible heat hits, I will be more lenient. Once they remember the list of things I have stored away for summer boredom, I bet they will find a way to entertain themselves.

Cindy Meek - Finding something your child is interested in and expanding that interest. If your child is an athlete get them involved in lessons or club sports. If your child likes to play games, challenge them to learn new games. Many schools have chess clubs where students compete against each other. At our school, we have a bridge club and our first graders are playing bridge with their grandparents.

Originally posted at http://www.bakersfieldlife.com/home/ViewPost/60375 on May 16, 2008.