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Mommy,

Let's not be coy here. You saw Jen's blog on daycare and jumped at the chance to bash someone under the guise of sharing advice.

You don't know us. You don't know our situation. My "How dares" addressed your obvious inability to accept that other people don't (or in our case can't) live our lives like you think we should.

You say: "Your husband could either get a second job, or buy a less expensive home."

Buy a less expensive home, in this economy when the value of property is HALF what people paid for it? Are you joking, or just dim. Nobody can sell a house now without putting themselves in epic debt. How are we supposed to buy a cheaper house? Do you suggest we dump our house on the bank and let the taxpayers clean up the mess? No way!

As for work, I have a job which doesn't allow me to take other work because those second jobs would create a conflict of interest and compromise the ethical standards of my profession.

Of course you couldn't have known that when you made your suggestion — which is why I warn you not to assume things about our family. The old adage — if you assume, you make a donkey out of "u" and "me" — applies.

You could have offered your insight into child care without the moral judgements — and been a valueable resource to us and other parents.

But you chose to make yourself feel good by attempting to put other people down.

I  have read all of the comments to the original post and I agree one hundred percent with mommy1111.  I am a stay at home mom.  I believe that every parent needs to make responsible choices!  My husband and I agreed before we ever got pregnant that we would not have children unless I could stay at home and raise them.  We think this is one of the most important decisions we have made.  We both agreed that we would not want to have kids and have someone else raise them, what is the point.  Why have children if you really don't want to put in all the time thay take!  Most people who do have children and can't wait to go back to work should have never had the baby in the first place!  It  is as if they had the children just to brag that they have a baby.  It is sad for the baby!  My husband works very hard to make sure our daughter is always in a safe, loving, and fun place for her (our home)!  We don't have a lot of money, and I think it is riddiculous that people now days are not doing what they really can to stay home and take care of their own children!  I am only 24 and I already know I am doing a better job than most mothers.  It makes me so mad to see that so many people feel they can't  stay at home and take care of their own children.  I know that most of you on here are older than me, so why have you not got yourselves in a situation to stay with your babies.  You should have been more prepared when you decided to become pregnant and made more responsible choices.  You GO MOMMY1111!!!!!!!

When I commented on this posting before, I never directly pointed my finger at you or your husband.  I was stating the reality of the daycare world.  Most people are in great denial about what their children have to go through when adapting to this lifestyle.  Obviously by others comments they think daycare is this wonderful place that their children can't wait to go to.  Of course some kids look forward to going because they eventually realize that some the people there DO want to spend time with them, since their parents aren't.  

If you really want to know about daycares, why don't you talk to some adults that grew up in daycare, maybe then you'll realize how kids really feel about it.  I have friends that are now grown up, as children they were put into daycare.  One of them told me he got to the point where he would get a stomach ache every night just knowing that when he woke up he had to go back. He said he kept it to himself though because it became his "normal."  Another one said she couldn't stand the repetition, everyday the same things just with different activities.  She now swears her children will never go to daycare.  She feels that way and she also says she has a great relationship still with her childhood daycare provider because she was there for her all the time, she became a second mom because her mom wasn't there.

There are a lot of people that are very narrow minded these days that think just because it's not 1950 a mother can't stay home with her children.  I don't know who made up that rule.  It's so exciting to see that there ARE still mothers out there that are willing to sacrifice "things" and "stuff" to be with their children.  One fact remains, "children need their moms."  I am not gloating about being a stay-at-home mom, I do know how very lucky I am to have my little girl and spend time with her everyday.   In response to James with all of his "how DARE" statements, I guess he's upset because those aren't assumptions, but the reality of parents with children in daycare.  If you want to be in denial at least you'll be in good company, there are many other parents that put their children in daycare. 

Parents who choose to put their children in daycares should take a step back and re-evaluate their situations.  If you can't afford to stay home with your kids then you are living above your means.  Your husband could either get a second job, or buy a less expensive home.  With the way the economy is now my husband actually got all of his over time taken away and was cut back to minimum hours and took a decrease in pay.  Even then he would never even think that I should get a job away from our daughter.  To make ends meet, he went out and got a second job.  Sure, we live paycheck to paycheck, but it's so awesome because we won't miss our baby girl grow.  He has always told me that he loves me telling him everything she's done for the day, and he would never have her in a daycare where we would both miss out. 

Maybe James should think outside the box and know that he CAN do the same thing.  Once people start looking at their situation differently, solutions appear.  Sure times can be tough, but at least you'll have your child smiling next to you to put a smile on your face.

Thanks for the support, everyone. Update: The day care search has been put on hold until we get through the upcoming layoffs at work. Then we'll figure out what to do from there.

I have to agree with Cashsmommy08 on this one, and I support Jennifer and James in their difficult decision.  I have been blessed to be a stay at home mom for nearly 7 years now, and am thankful for that opportunity.  However, I have seen the benefit of a licensed preschool environment that I participate in and have been very active with since my oldest was 21/2 year old.  I have stayed at home for as long as I possibly can without working...it's been tough; but, reality is that most families cannot survive on one income any longer.  We are one of those families!  Overtime and the perks are gone, and I am now looking for work as a substitute teacher so that I can at least be at the school my oldest attends and my youngest will attend in August.  Honestly, I don't blame Jennifer and James for keeping their jobs and making sure they can keep their home, have diapers, clothe their baby and have food for him.  It's obviously a difficult choice for both parents!  If Mommy1111 had read the previous blogs from Jennifer, perhaps she would not have reacted so harshly.....however, REALITY is that most moms HAVE to work, at least part-time.  I'm sorry that Jennifer can't stay at home; but, that doesn't mean she deserves to be belittled and beaten down for making the only reasonable choice.....especially since it is one she really doesn't want to make!  Not everyone can afford to stay at home!  And it is not our place to judge those that cannot stay at home.....where is the compassion and support in that?!?!?

Hang in there Jennifer and James!  Ignore the negative and keep on looking for the right place for your sweet little guy!    

First I would like to say that a high quality child care can help a child develop amazing skills and a good, caring provider can be a supportive "team" member in their development. Yes in a dream world every mommy would be able to quit her job and stay home until the kiddos are grown, but that is not today's reality! I would like to know where Mommy1111 worked, because I have worked in a facility before and run my own day care for over 7 years, and yes children have separation anxiety, but a good child care provides lots of love and comfort along with stimulating activities and lessons that really make the child happy and want to come to daycare. My niece asks every day if she gets to go to day care, and she is very disappointed when the weekends come! I know a lot of the kiddos in my care over the years start out with separation anxiety and it quickly turns into anticipation for their fun times at school. I stopped running my day care over a year ago when my son was born, but I know the benefits to both my son and myself, and I am in the process of re-opening my day care right now. My son will have friends for life from the children that join our day care family, I know this because I still have contact with almost all of the children I have cared for over the years! We call all of our day care children and their families our "day care family", and they are all considered an extension to our family. I attend birthday parties, graduations, and family gatherings for children that are now teenagers that I cared for when they were much younger! I truly believe that every child benefits a great deal when they are put into an early learning environment at a young age, and there are lots of great studies to prove it. Most providers have a background in early childhood development and set up their environments to stimulate the children in a developmentally appropriate manner, and they also provide lots of wonderful activities and lessons to help the children develop and prepare for their education and their futures. Of course their are always bad apples and some day cares do not provide a good environment. It is every parents responsibility to check each day care very carefully and call references. This upsets me that mommy1111 is judging when she does not know what each families financial responsibilities are and she has no right to talk badly about a parents decision to place their child in a day care. For a lot of people day care provides the only way a parent can put a roof over their child's head. Like I said I would like to know where she worked because if the  children in her care were really that unhappy, I want to make sure that no one in my family ends up in those places! Jennifer I want to let you know that I am a member of a licensed child care providers group and I can recommend of bunch of wonderful in home child cares that you can check out for your sweet little boy! Good luck and don't listen to any negative comments about whatever choice you make, it is your choice and you will make the right one for your family. Remember that as long as your baby is happy and safe, then you should be happy!

You go, Daddy-o!

mommy1111,

Let's talk reality. This is no long 1950.  One income doesn't suffice for the average worker.

Jen and I have good jobs (for now) and are responsible with our money. We're cutting costs right and left.

But — to be very frank here — the take home pay I make in one month won't pay for the mortgage and the cost of the used vehicle we bought to accomodate a child seat. There would be no money for food, heat, baby formula, diapers, clothes — even if we cut out every luxury we have.

Sure day care is a cost — but one of us staying home isn't going to save enough cash to make up for the loss of income. And high-paying jobs aren't really falling out of trees these days.

The idea of leaving our child in the hands of a stranger tears our guts and our hearts out.

How DARE you assume we callously swap our beloved son for cash!

How DARE you shove our faces in the loss of contact with him both myself and his mother will face.

How DARE you assume we "want to miss this once in a lifetime opportunity to see them become great people."

Thank your stars that you and your husband can afford to have you stay home with your children — that you have the financial means to make it where so many others do not.

But don't you DARE gloat about it to people who wish they could be where you are.

This posting makes me terribly sad.  It's upsetting to me that so many parents make working their priority instead of their children.  Most parents think they have to work to keep up with a certain "lifestyle," so they throw their children into daycare.  If children are "priceless" then why are so many traded for the money you make from working?  I have worked in several of the top daycares and daycare centers around town.  I have seen first hand what happens to a child once they enter the facility.  They become so starved for attention.  Most of their special qualities go unnoticed.  Sure they play and interact with other children, but it's not the same as if they just had play dates, these children are also distraut and it becomes their normal.  I can't tell you the number of times children cry for their mommies.  But by the time the parents are there to pick them up they have a paper they colored for them so the parent thinks they had a good time.  One of the main reasons children even get happy at a center is because the staff will tell them "mommy is coming soon" no matter what time it is.  It works for a while untill the child realizes that mommy still isn't there.  It's upsetting that it is socially exceptable for parents to have a child, only to enjoy them during their maternaty leave.  If people want to have children they should want to raise them.  Parents need to put themselves in their children's shoes, how would they like to have no say and be put in a home all day long and just wait.  I can guarantee that if you asked a child if they want "things" or if they want their mommy, they will choose their mommy.  I am a proud stay-at-home mommy, my husband and I do not have a lot of money, but we make it work and my baby girl is so very happy.  There are so many little things she does everyday that I get to see.  Children are only children ONCE.  Why do parents want to miss this once in a lifetime opportunity to see them become great people?  People today do not seem to know how to down grade in order to benefit their children, and think that they "have" to go to work, when it's really a choice.  If parents really want to know how their child spells love, it's T-I-M-E!