www.raisingbakersfield.com

 My emotions run the gamut from beyond words excited to beyond words numb to beyond words wondering why I am choosing to pull this particular insanity card from the deck.

 

I am finding it difficult to even stay committed to writing this essay, it would be much easier to find something ‘easier’ to write about than my worries about this trip. My positive thinking co-horts would suggest I not give any credence to the fears and instead, bring light to the situation.

 

I can do that. I can think about all the cool people and places we will be going. All the discoveries and bonding and precious moments in time we will be sharing. I can visualize the green leaves on the trees where there is more rainfall than here. I can feel myself standing in front of the Presidential Splendor at Mount Rushmore. I can experience the smells of soil at Sleepy Hollow Cemetery, a tear falling down my cheek as I touch Henry David Thoreau’s grave.

 

That feels better, actually. That feels much better.

 

It provides a soft quilt to lean upon, a place to rest while I can then dialogue with those spaces that don’t feel so soft and cooshy. Those spaces where I need to lean into trust and partner with trust and conscious action to prove what I know is true about the world and the role I play in it.

 

Christina Baldwin writes these words in her book, Life’s Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Practice, “ Sometimes people use the idea of trust as a way to squelch dialogue and avoid doubt, questioning or thinking. They believe trust is a static concept, a yes or no, either/or. As a part of my journey, I have had to build a sense of trust that emerges in the middle of my dialogue with life, in the middle of my doubts, fears, and questions, and offers me another chance to choose to have faith in the hubbub, not limit my sense of reality.”

 

I make a bold claim on the letter I write to possible Couchsurfing hosts when I say that one of my goals of this trip is “to build friendships (many lasting friendships, hopefully!) with phenomenal people across the country which will reinforce to me - -and the world - that humanity is, indeed, shifting and the world is transforming for the better.....and for my family to be an active part in celebrating and communicating that shift.”

 

I have less than two weeks until I gather my children and pull up the stakes which tether me to Bakersfield for a six-week-long adventure. I am looking forward to sharing this adventure with all of you.